Muhammad Ali Dodged 21 Punches In 10 Seconds

That's good, right?  I'm positive that each and every one of those punches thrown would have killed me and sent my head into the 8th row.

This also begs the question, is Muhammad Ali the least defined, most successful athlete ever?  Dude looks like Play-Doh.  Goes to show that being jacked, having a six pack and wearing Affliction t-shirts isn't all that it's cracked up to be.

That little dance in the end was the cockiest, most dick-head thing that I've ever seen and I love it.

Chess Boxing Is Finally Here!

Well, what took so long?  Every time I watch boxing, I always wonder "Why haven't they sprinkled any chess in here yet?"  What can I say, Russia does it again.

Beautiful game too.  Such a science.  Do you try to concuss the guy so he can't tell the difference between a Knight and a Bishop?  Or do you go for body shots so your opponent internally bleeds as he's trying to engage in highly strategic cognitive thought?  I, like you, am just trying to piece this shit together.

Beginning of the match is super cordial.  Just two fat guys engaging in a test of wit, thinking about hot wings.

You have to feel for the guys that have to move the chess board between matches.  There's no doubt in my mind that if they drop this board, they're dead.  It's Russia.

Both of these guys are fighting like they just got told to fight after initially being told they were playing chess with boxing gloves on.

Checkmate, bitches. 

I came out of that with less understanding of the sport than I had 5 minutes ago.  Do you try to win chess or boxing first?  How long is each round?  So many questions that I truly don't care about because I'm living in a world where chess boxing exists.  For every act of racial, gender and societal oppression the world presents, we are sometimes gifted gems like this.  Enjoy it, people.

If Mayweather-Pacquiao isn't like fought via chess boxing, we all failed as a civilization.

The Fall Of Robert Ri'chard

You can't really feel THAT bad for a guy that voluntarily adds an apostrophe to "Richard"

Here's Robert Ri'chard.  A mildly respectable actor that played bit roles in every show/movie that we have watched in our entire life.  Here's a refresher:

He spent most of his time with his puppet cousin Skeeter and almost, probably had sex with Meagan Good:

He had an alarming blonde phase and we started to get a little worried:

But that didn't stop him from getting a bit role on "One on One" and teaching us all life lessons:

He snuck in "Alley Cats Strike" right under us, but we knew, Robert.  We knew:

And we can't forget Damien Carter in "Coach Carter."  He was really excited about it:

Things were looking up for Mr. (Fucking) Ri'chard.  Up until 10 years decided to go by without him appearing in anything of relevance.  Then today, something miraculous happened.  He reappeared, but not like I wanted him to reappear.

There he is behind the poorly not-cropped-out "play" symbol and ambiguously race'd hot chick.  In the BACKSEAT of a Nissan in a god damn Nissan Rogue commercial.  You couldn't even assume him to be this chick's boyfriend.  He was their friend that didn't own a car and needed a ride so he be third wheel and ruin their day.  Pour out some of that poor-tasting whiskey you've been drinking tonight because you officially lost in Fantasy Football playoffs and pay your respect to the career of the once ubiquitous Robert (hate his last name) Ri'chard.

The One Time We Give Mexico An NBA Game, The Gym Catches On Fire

This is SO Mexico that it hurts.  As soon as they get over Swine Flu and all of their police commissioners getting murdered, their one basketball arena catches on fire.  It's like clockwork down there.

Mexico is like the dude at the bar that keeps getting rejected by girls.  At a certain point it becomes so accustomed to rejection that it has no idea what to do when something good happens.  Just get the phone number and leave Mexico.  In other words, when you get an opportunity to host a premiere NBA matchup, don't let your arena catch on fire.  Christ, guys.

Simply Put, Tippy The Fainting Squirrel Is Struggling Out There

Dude is physically incapable of getting his feet set out here.  Probably the saddest thing I've seen in 2013.

Step into Tippy's (sweet name, guys) world.  One second you're eating a acorn and the next you're unconscious wondering what the hell just happened.  I give him a ton of credit though.  Each and every time this happens, he has the option to just kinda die, but he's too much of a fighter.  He's determined to just keep living life as a squirrel even though it'll inevitably end in a falling-off-a-tree related tragedy.  Someone get this son of a bitch a Kickstarter so we make sure he can eat acorns without blacking out and collapsing into leaves.

PS. As a complete side note, I'm all about the Sloth life and might need to get my first tattoo.

New Music: "Between Broken Walls" - Mack Spellman

WMD isn't just crude humor, funny pictures and dick jokes.  Sometimes I like to break into the art scene and expand your musical horizons.  If you're tired of Katy Perry's "Roar", this is a big breath of fresh air.

I like this video for a several reasons:

1) The first :30 is just a pretty girl running around in a tight dress.  Can't be mad at that.

2) It somehow makes Boston look awesome.

3) Pretty sure Mack flipped hipster-fashion upside down.  This hat is unreal, yet ironically worn with a shirt that has the sleeves rolled up:

4) Some super hot drunk kid pops up at the 2:30 mark

5) Copious amounts of mason jars are what's hot in the streets right now.  

Great track, give it a listen.

-To follow Mack and his musical endeavors, check out www.MackSpellmanMusic.com.  FYI, I'm trying to ride his coat tails to fame and fortune.

Nightmares Aside, This Guy Won Movember

Have to call a spade a spade here, this dude killed it.  Sure, none of us are going to sleep tonight, but a victory is a victory.

Don't think about the amount of bodies that this dude has in his freezer (probably 4, maybe 5) or the fact that he's most likely naked and appreciate the disgusting artwork that occurred on this guy's chest.  He connected his mustache to his chest hair, guys.  I didn't know that was anatomically possible.  

The paws can burn in hell, though.  Those are the figurative icing on my nightmare cake.

Guy Busts out of Jail to go to Dentist, Turns Self Back In

h/t HuffPost

Dude, what the hell are you thinking? Might as well not even shower the rest of the time you're in jail. Like it's bad enough you're only in jail for a month in the first place. If you're in for a month there's no way you're one of the tough guys, so all you do is keep your head down and keep a sturdy grip on the soap.

But you finally had it here, you broke out, man. That's like the single toughest thing you can brag about in jail. Golden ticket to the cool kids table and protection from every hulk in there who thinks you can get him out. When they inevitably catch you and throw your ass back in jail you're king for a day. But not this Swedish fuck. Back in his cell just bragging it up like "Man my tooth feels so much better, fuck the guards am I right?" No bro, you're not. In fact you probably just made yourself a target for every wannabe tough guy in the place.

Even criminals are fucking pussies nowadays.

Follow me @Smeesh



Be Thankful For Your Devices Because Nothing Else Matters

This is the time of year to reflect on everything we're grateful for. Family, friends, warm shelter, access to food, clean syringes, whatever. But all that stuff is meaningless. If you didn't have an iSomething you couldn't text and FB the ones you love, because who actually uses their phone to talk? Landlines called and they want their monopoly on verbal conversations back, but no one answers unfamiliar numbers. Even my mom prefers texting, totally ruining this hilarious meme. She ruins everything.

If you didn't have a device, how would you find your way outside without navigation, let alone to a store? Google Maps is ruining good senses of direction for you Rand McNallys like Microsoft Word ruined spelling for school-wide bee champions like myself (two-years in a row, bitches).

I don't know about y'all, but my phone is like a baby. I keep it silent and within reach. I sleep with it under my pillow like a gun. Because if there's an intruder, I think there's an app for that. 

I love my phone so much my boyfriend walks out of the room and says, "Thanks for letting me hang out with you guys."

If my phone was actually a live grenade about to explode, I'd scramble to check my email one last time. 

But this, I don't know. If it was a chicken, it would shit all over my life. 

I think this is where the line is. 

2Chainz Had The Creators Of Tetris Make A Shirt Just For Him. Probably

That shirt is worth either 10 dollars or 1 million dollars.  There is no middle ground.  It was either sold out of a crackhead's shopping cart or crafted with oyster pearls and rhino skin.  That's just how Tauheed rolls.  It also looks exactly like the hardest Tetris level in the history of the world, as this tweet describes.  Symbols that don't even make sense, possible swastikas, and enough colors to give a small child epilepsy.  

The top button, cholo-look is the only way that this shirt is supposed to be worn.