Thursday, March 24, 2016

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-March Madness and St. Pattys
-Cuba Does Not Look Great
-Batman v. Superman
-$75 Billion Challenge

Tuesday, March 22, 2016

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(First off, I am not close to being cultured enough to understand what that symbol is in front of the 75 billion.  No clue what the conversion rate is on a squiggly "L" with a line through it, but alas, this question needs to be answered*.)

Real talk, I don't think I can do anything for 24 hours.  Lets get that out of the way first.  My attention span is basically shot and I complain a ton about almost everything.  Toss a million spiders and one giant creature on the wall and all the bets are off.  But yo, allow me to have my phone so I can get these fire tweets off, too.  For the culture.

Let's get on the elephant in the room - the monster on the wall.  Look, I see the jig.  This thing has six legs and, of course, *pushes up glasses on nose* arachnids have eight legs.  No idea who this impostor is, but I'm not inclined to mess with him.  It's also become abundantly clear that a baseball bat might not be the play.  I'm shocked to admit this, but I've heard from others "Oh, it's just like a dog," he may be friendly. Mannnnnn, WUT.  Not even going to entertain that with a response.  Now onto tactics;

1) Let go and let god - just stay still and pray it doesn't notice you.  Bad plan.

2) Throw the bat at the big thing - honestly not too different from previous plan.  Also bad.

3) Turn the bat into the ultimate shiv so that you have a sword-like contraption - I like this, but it requires a lot of time.  Easily enough time to catch the fade and get your watch stolen.

4) Try to create fire using friction and set the bat on fire - I watched enough episodes of Naked and Afraid to build a B- fire in a likely condemned/abandoned bathroom.  High chance of burning myself to death while the monster watches and giggles, though.  Can't be caught on fire with Crying Jordan on my head.  Can't.

5) Walk into the room, walk right out - Winner.  I also don't want your hard to distinguish pesos or shilling prize money either.  I'll just climb the corporate ladder, retire at an age I'm not thrilled with due to inflation, and avoid being disemboweled by faux-arachnids.

*If this is equivalent to like $3 USD, I'm an idiot and the rest of the blog is void.
** I know it's a "pound" symbol.  (I Googled)

Monday, March 14, 2016

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Table of Contents:

  • We have become sick of each other
  • March Madness is here :)
  • Donald Trump is still here :(
  • People vs. OJ Simpson
  • Naked & Afraid
  • The Future is Wild from Animal Planet in 2008

Wednesday, February 24, 2016

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Sean went to Utah and Vermont in consecutive weekends - his white people pilgrimage is complete. Mozel Toz, bitches!

Table of Contents:
-Toilet Paper fears
-Travel and Life Updates
-Kanye West Album
-Grammy's and Oscars
-Light-skin dudes taking over the NBA

Tuesday, February 9, 2016

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No ifs, ands, or buts about it - this dude is SLUMPED and looking for a helping hand.  Can't knock it, though.  A baby seal breaking into a restaurant with *very plush* booths is a damn good accomplishment.  Gotta weather that 'itis storm, young fella.  Let's take a look at his physical destruction picture-by-picture, shall we?


He stood up triumphantly thinking he was actually okay.  Wrong!  You idiot.  Your insides are doing somersaults and you are in the infancy stages of bubble guts.


When life comes at you fast and you start questioning all the choices you've made thus far in your young life that lead you to this point.


"Hello God, are you listening?"


Honestly, this is the saddest picture I've ever seen.  Homie has made his peace with the ocean and is ready to succumb to that high-on-the-portions-side brunch he just ate.  Tragic.  

And that, folks, has been another blog where I chronicled the death of a baby seal.  Thanks for visiting Working Man's Diary Dot Com on the internet!  

Tuesday, February 2, 2016

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We've all got our flaws.  Every now and then I chew with my mouth open and sometimes Hannah goes outside, captures a butterfly, and tosses it into a microwave.  So goes the day.

Look, I get it.  People like to keep it interesting and spice things up every once in awhile.  Can't just come home, hit the gym, make dinner, and watch The Bachelor every night.  Life's too short.  Hannah woke up one day and decided "we have WAY too many microwaves and, coincidentally, WAY too many butterflies on planet Earth" and the stars sort of aligned.  

Get off Tinder.  Delete Bumble.  Away with Hinge.  Come back to Match and find love with someone that will brutally murder you in six months.

#LoveYourImperfections

*I know there are some savages reading this that immediately said "I would" with no regret.

Monday, February 1, 2016

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Table of Contents:

-Expensive coats (Canada Goose & Moose Knuckle
-Kanye West vs. Wiz Khalifa & Amber Rose
-BoB thinks the world is flat
-Super Bowl preview
-The Lions killed Calvin Johnson and Barry Sanders
-Ideas how to fix the Pro Bowl

Monday, January 18, 2016

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-We didn't win Powerball, so now what?
-NFL Playoff Preview
-Justin Bieber is impacting the NBA All-Star game
-All-Star voting
-Dudes washing their hands in bar bathrooms
-UberPool dating service

Friday, January 8, 2016

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Easily the most important question surrounding my life at this moment.  Will there be some sort of announcement?  Is this something you just have to feel out?  Who knows.  What I do know is this decision is centered around you having an honest conversation with your butt.

Look, it's been well documented that me and Chipotle have had our differences.  Sometimes they absolutely fuck up rolling the burrito and pretend like I don't see it even though I literally have nothing else to look at and sometimes I steal their Tabasco sauce.  They are habitual line steppers and it's my duty to check them.  With that said, I keep coming back.  It's not a healthy relationship by any means, but we make it work.  

Speaking of "healthy", that FYI notice above can simply replace "supply chain" with "pooping" so everyone stops lying to each other.  If we are going to repair this relationship, it's going to have to be about honesty and you telling me that there is a very good possibility that I poop my pants minutes after I leave your establishment.  

Here's a quick guide to decide if you're ready to go back:

1) Talk to your butt and make sure the time is right for both of you.

2) Assess other burrito options around you

3) 

Thursday, January 7, 2016

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Tila Tequila is not here for your facts, figures, or scientific evidence. She is here for the very hard, possibly hallucinogenic drugs, though.  Shout out to her for ushering in #STAYWOKE2016 the right way tonight.

We have a strict "Fuck Christopher Columbus" policy at WMD, but my god Tila, this shit was revealed like 500 years ago.  After the dude didn't fall off the side of Earth and we figured out satellites and what not, we put this baby to bed.  But nope.  Not on our favorite perpetually drunk Asian pygmy's watch.  Let's review the three very important questions/ideas that she brought up in her K2 fueled rant:

1) HOW CAN PLANE'S LAND ON A GLOBE, FAM?! 

Science: What?
Tila: You ever try to stand on a basketball?  Exactly.

2) WHY IS THE NORTH POLE ALWAYS IN THE SAME SPOT THO?!

Science: Are you high? Wait, never mind.  I honestly don't want to talk to you anymore.
Tila: Explains why Mrs. and Mr. Clause don't have children.
Science: I hate you.

3) TOO MUCH SUNLIGHT IMO

Tila: Turn on the light in your living room and watch what happens. 
Scientist: *Leaves room and smashes every PhD in the building*

Oh good, your standard "covering my tracks in case I'm murdered" tweet:

Wait a second..."they" as in THAT they?!  


Honestly don't know what to believe anymore.