Tuesday, February 9, 2016

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No ifs, ands, or buts about it - this dude is SLUMPED and looking for a helping hand.  Can't knock it, though.  A baby seal breaking into a restaurant with *very plush* booths is a damn good accomplishment.  Gotta weather that 'itis storm, young fella.  Let's take a look at his physical destruction picture-by-picture, shall we?

He stood up triumphantly thinking he was actually okay.  Wrong!  You idiot.  Your insides are doing somersaults and you are in the infancy stages of bubble guts.

When life comes at you fast and you start questioning all the choices you've made thus far in your young life that lead you to this point.

"Hello God, are you listening?"

Honestly, this is the saddest picture I've ever seen.  Homie has made his peace with the ocean and is ready to succumb to that high-on-the-portions-side brunch he just ate.  Tragic.  

And that, folks, has been another blog where I chronicled the death of a baby seal.  Thanks for visiting Working Man's Diary Dot Com on the internet!  

Tuesday, February 2, 2016

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We've all got our flaws.  Every now and then I chew with my mouth open and sometimes Hannah goes outside, captures a butterfly, and tosses it into a microwave.  So goes the day.

Look, I get it.  People like to keep it interesting and spice things up every once in awhile.  Can't just come home, hit the gym, make dinner, and watch The Bachelor every night.  Life's too short.  Hannah woke up one day and decided "we have WAY too many microwaves and, coincidentally, WAY too many butterflies on planet Earth" and the stars sort of aligned.  

Get off Tinder.  Delete Bumble.  Away with Hinge.  Come back to Match and find love with someone that will brutally murder you in six months.


*I know there are some savages reading this that immediately said "I would" with no regret.

Monday, February 1, 2016

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Table of Contents:

-Expensive coats (Canada Goose & Moose Knuckle
-Kanye West vs. Wiz Khalifa & Amber Rose
-BoB thinks the world is flat
-Super Bowl preview
-The Lions killed Calvin Johnson and Barry Sanders
-Ideas how to fix the Pro Bowl

Monday, January 18, 2016

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-We didn't win Powerball, so now what?
-NFL Playoff Preview
-Justin Bieber is impacting the NBA All-Star game
-All-Star voting
-Dudes washing their hands in bar bathrooms
-UberPool dating service

Friday, January 8, 2016

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Easily the most important question surrounding my life at this moment.  Will there be some sort of announcement?  Is this something you just have to feel out?  Who knows.  What I do know is this decision is centered around you having an honest conversation with your butt.

Look, it's been well documented that me and Chipotle have had our differences.  Sometimes they absolutely fuck up rolling the burrito and pretend like I don't see it even though I literally have nothing else to look at and sometimes I steal their Tabasco sauce.  They are habitual line steppers and it's my duty to check them.  With that said, I keep coming back.  It's not a healthy relationship by any means, but we make it work.  

Speaking of "healthy", that FYI notice above can simply replace "supply chain" with "pooping" so everyone stops lying to each other.  If we are going to repair this relationship, it's going to have to be about honesty and you telling me that there is a very good possibility that I poop my pants minutes after I leave your establishment.  

Here's a quick guide to decide if you're ready to go back:

1) Talk to your butt and make sure the time is right for both of you.

2) Assess other burrito options around you


Thursday, January 7, 2016

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Tila Tequila is not here for your facts, figures, or scientific evidence. She is here for the very hard, possibly hallucinogenic drugs, though.  Shout out to her for ushering in #STAYWOKE2016 the right way tonight.

We have a strict "Fuck Christopher Columbus" policy at WMD, but my god Tila, this shit was revealed like 500 years ago.  After the dude didn't fall off the side of Earth and we figured out satellites and what not, we put this baby to bed.  But nope.  Not on our favorite perpetually drunk Asian pygmy's watch.  Let's review the three very important questions/ideas that she brought up in her K2 fueled rant:


Science: What?
Tila: You ever try to stand on a basketball?  Exactly.


Science: Are you high? Wait, never mind.  I honestly don't want to talk to you anymore.
Tila: Explains why Mrs. and Mr. Clause don't have children.
Science: I hate you.


Tila: Turn on the light in your living room and watch what happens. 
Scientist: *Leaves room and smashes every PhD in the building*

Oh good, your standard "covering my tracks in case I'm murdered" tweet:

Wait a second..."they" as in THAT they?!  

Honestly don't know what to believe anymore.

Thursday, December 31, 2015

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Table of Contents:

-Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

-Just kidding, New Year's Eve is trash

-So Trash

-So So Trash

-Chip Kelly got fired

-Some NBA Stuff

-Holiday Cheer

Thursday, December 24, 2015

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Lots to unpack with this one. But first off, man oh man what in the holy hell was that?

I'm initially put off by the 1950s-era tiny white girl that was most certainly a strong racist, but then she kicks it up a terrifying notch by asking for the worst Christmas gift ever - a fucking hippopotamus. Hey little girl, you know what a hippo is, right?

If you're down to see grandma get ripped to shreds by a physiologically confusing water beast then I am completely off base and in the wrong here. If not, then maybe reassess your life, ma. Sit yourself down and question your childhood, upbringing, and every single hope/wish you've ever had because somewhere down the line something fell apart. I mean, god damn. Even the cutest hippopotamus is kinda a piece of shit.

Look, even HE knows he's a piece of shit. Your best case scenario is acquiring a greasy miniature water beast that doesn't even respect itself. Plus your entire squad is talking behind your back, asking themselves whether or not they want to be your friend anymore:

I know this is roughly 65 years too late, but get your shit together. Ask for a dollhouse. Maybe a soccer ball. Hell, take a shot and ask for a radio flyer wagon and try to stunt on all the other basic betches in the culdesac.

PS. Your dancing was fire. Don't let anyone take that away from you, potentially racist little girl.

Thursday, December 10, 2015

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FYI, it sounds like I'm talking into a shoe the entire episode.  Which, honestly, isn't that far from the truth.  Thanks for listening!

-Life Updates
-Chipotle made the entire BC basketball team poop
-Chipotle has some fraudulent burrito rollers
-Victoria Secret Fashion Show
-Donald Trump is through with Muslim people
-Batman vs. Superman - what is this movie actually about?

Wednesday, December 2, 2015

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Let's do a quick timeline to really dig into the depths of Molly's psyche.  As we can see above, Molly came through and really fucked that fence up.  Like she really rolled her fat ass over every coil to ensure the most damage possible.  She also looks *kinda* cute in the second pic, playing all coy and shit.  Can't help but respect that move.

But then things take an irrational twist:

She's PISSED and no one really knows why.  Just irrationally upset at the world and screaming at you for no reason.  This is all starting to make sense.

Now Molly appears to be crying.  We went from destructively content, to livid, to tears in a span of about 15 minutes.  Things are starting to add up.

Molly was just hangry as hell (you know that mythological disease that only affects women where they are irrationally upset/sad/every emotion until they receive food, even though they never mentioned that they were hungry to begin with?).  Everything makes sense now.  Chicks, man.