Thursday, December 31, 2015

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Table of Contents:

-Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

-Just kidding, New Year's Eve is trash

-So Trash

-So So Trash

-Chip Kelly got fired

-Some NBA Stuff

-Holiday Cheer

Thursday, December 24, 2015

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Lots to unpack with this one. But first off, man oh man what in the holy hell was that?

I'm initially put off by the 1950s-era tiny white girl that was most certainly a strong racist, but then she kicks it up a terrifying notch by asking for the worst Christmas gift ever - a fucking hippopotamus. Hey little girl, you know what a hippo is, right?

If you're down to see grandma get ripped to shreds by a physiologically confusing water beast then I am completely off base and in the wrong here. If not, then maybe reassess your life, ma. Sit yourself down and question your childhood, upbringing, and every single hope/wish you've ever had because somewhere down the line something fell apart. I mean, god damn. Even the cutest hippopotamus is kinda a piece of shit.

Look, even HE knows he's a piece of shit. Your best case scenario is acquiring a greasy miniature water beast that doesn't even respect itself. Plus your entire squad is talking behind your back, asking themselves whether or not they want to be your friend anymore:

I know this is roughly 65 years too late, but get your shit together. Ask for a dollhouse. Maybe a soccer ball. Hell, take a shot and ask for a radio flyer wagon and try to stunt on all the other basic betches in the culdesac.

PS. Your dancing was fire. Don't let anyone take that away from you, potentially racist little girl.

Thursday, December 10, 2015

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FYI, it sounds like I'm talking into a shoe the entire episode.  Which, honestly, isn't that far from the truth.  Thanks for listening!

-Life Updates
-Chipotle made the entire BC basketball team poop
-Chipotle has some fraudulent burrito rollers
-Victoria Secret Fashion Show
-Donald Trump is through with Muslim people
-Batman vs. Superman - what is this movie actually about?

Wednesday, December 2, 2015

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Let's do a quick timeline to really dig into the depths of Molly's psyche.  As we can see above, Molly came through and really fucked that fence up.  Like she really rolled her fat ass over every coil to ensure the most damage possible.  She also looks *kinda* cute in the second pic, playing all coy and shit.  Can't help but respect that move.

But then things take an irrational twist:

She's PISSED and no one really knows why.  Just irrationally upset at the world and screaming at you for no reason.  This is all starting to make sense.

Now Molly appears to be crying.  We went from destructively content, to livid, to tears in a span of about 15 minutes.  Things are starting to add up.

Molly was just hangry as hell (you know that mythological disease that only affects women where they are irrationally upset/sad/every emotion until they receive food, even though they never mentioned that they were hungry to begin with?).  Everything makes sense now.  Chicks, man.