Thursday, December 24, 2015

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WMD Wishes You A Weird Ass Christmas

Lots to unpack with this one. But first off, man oh man what in the holy hell was that?

I'm initially put off by the 1950s-era tiny white girl that was most certainly a strong racist, but then she kicks it up a terrifying notch by asking for the worst Christmas gift ever - a fucking hippopotamus. Hey little girl, you know what a hippo is, right?

If you're down to see grandma get ripped to shreds by a physiologically confusing water beast then I am completely off base and in the wrong here. If not, then maybe reassess your life, ma. Sit yourself down and question your childhood, upbringing, and every single hope/wish you've ever had because somewhere down the line something fell apart. I mean, god damn. Even the cutest hippopotamus is kinda a piece of shit.

Look, even HE knows he's a piece of shit. Your best case scenario is acquiring a greasy miniature water beast that doesn't even respect itself. Plus your entire squad is talking behind your back, asking themselves whether or not they want to be your friend anymore:

I know this is roughly 65 years too late, but get your shit together. Ask for a dollhouse. Maybe a soccer ball. Hell, take a shot and ask for a radio flyer wagon and try to stunt on all the other basic betches in the culdesac.

PS. Your dancing was fire. Don't let anyone take that away from you, potentially racist little girl.

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