Thursday, August 27, 2009

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The N.O. Xplode Post

-CNN Reports: Boston Resident, 21, rearranged an entire weight room, killing 6 innocent bystanders.

In general, I have always been a physical specimen, but things have gone over the top with my recent purchase of the terrifying supplement, N.O. Xplode. This is not a review by any means, but more of a warning. Now let me tell ya, I am not really "that" guy. That guy is the one who goes to the gym with a wife beater and sweatpants with like 3 shaker cups filled with god knows what. Don't get me wrong, I crush weights, but I don't really make a scene or attract too much attention. Hearing all sorts of wild reviews from my friends basically forced me to buy it, especially with various online web sites just giving it away. I mean, I just had to do it.

It was like Santa Clause came down and graced me with an impossble to open gift. Aptly nicknamed "The Splooddeeee", the container has at least 7 warnings (that I know about it) on it, with one stating that it can cause "atmospheric dispersion." Now what the fuck is atmospheric dispersion?! It should say it causes cocaine to happen to you. I've never taken cocaine before, but I can only imagine 2 scoops of N.O. Xplode is worse. I know because I took two scoops the other day and was losing my mind. I took it at 4:45 (aka during work), and proceeded to blow several gaskets. I was pressing my mouse buttons extra hard, screaming at people, and laughing at the idea and the overall concept of sleep. I felt like creating a sport where fighting, motocross, and a colliseum were involved. Needless to say, seratonin and dopamine levels were a little out of wack.

Bad things quickly started happening. I felt like I was in the gym for about 6 minutes and then saw the clock and it said I was there for nearly 2 hours. What the balls is going on? How am I lifting this much? Why is all the equipment rearranged in the gym? Why is that gentleman dead over there? These are all questions that you will have to answer after your first day of sploding.

It is just a matter of time before we are all going to be trying to get 8-balls of the splode.

"Come on man (while scratching his face), I just need to crush weights mannnnn, I'll suck your..."


2 Reactions to this post

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  1. Sam said... September 11, 2009 at 4:47 PM

    Found your post by Google blogging "no xplode". I was curious what other people were saying about it.

    It is a powerful supplement, that's for sure. You shouldn't have started with two scoops. I bet your heartrate was through the roof. If you try it again, start off with half a scoop. You'll still feel the effect without feeling jittery or insane.

    I've been using it for over a year now and love the results I've been getting. I'm up to using three scoops at once (the maximum dosage for a 24-hour period), and it definitely helps me concentrate at the gym. I've also gained a lot of muscle since using it, too.

    I hear a lot of wonderful things about it, but I also occasionally here how it's bad for your liver, so I'm thinking about getting some blood work done just to see if it is adversely affecting my overall health. I mean, it's nice that I feel so pumped at the gym, but I don't want a liver or kidney transplant when I'm 40. (I'm 23.)

    Good luck if you continue using it. It has various effects on different people. Finding the right supplement is all trial and error.

  2. Dub Jeezy said... September 18, 2009 at 7:10 PM

    thanks man, I appreciate the analysis

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