Thursday, August 27, 2009

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What's The Skreel With Swine Flu?

-that's swine flu

I was not going to post about the swine flu because "people are dying and that shit ain't baller", but things are looking grim out there. Granted, CNN is losing their minds a little bit spouting outlandish predictions about 1/3 of the United States contracting the disease and over 90,000 people dying. Stuff is getting a tad bit crazy though and through my impressively manly figure, this guy is a little scared. I don't react well with colds, injuries, or any general imperfections, so I have a legitimate concern that swine flu will give me the business. Sure they say that only the very old and the very young are highly susceptible, but I was that kid who had chicken pox for like 2 years and baffled the doctors with how poorly my body reacted to a 100.1 degree fever. This shit is coming for me and I am in no way prepared.

Here's a scary fact that you guys may or may not know about: roughly half of the Duke football team has swine flu. I can't imagine that the dudes on the Duke football team have the best immune systems out there, but still. That shit is going to spread throughout Duke, some Duke girl is going to visit Boston one weekend and undoubtedly fall in love with me...BAM!, I got swine flu, i'm dead in 3 and a half hours. Seriously, where the fuck are all of our tax dollars going? No cures for shit, my paycheck's keep dwindling, and I am going to die from the swine flu. Until that moment happens though: you will never see anyone eat more pork rinds, bacon, egg, and cheese, ham and cheese, and bacon cheeseburger sandwiches, than me.

I will make it my goal to personally take out as many pigs as I can before the inevitable happens.


P.S. I'm just kidding PETA, you know I love ya'll

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  1. PostScripter said... August 27, 2009 at 2:56 PM

    what's the skreel.... HAHAHAHHAHA, dubjeezy, you're always good for a laugh.

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