Wednesday, May 18, 2016

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We've all been there.  You've ordered food at the food spot, got asked if you want a drink, said "nope, but can I have a water cup?", and the attendant pulls out some weak ass miniature cup from a hidden area by the counter.  Now whether you got the water cup because you're a brokeboi, health conscious, or monitoring your carbon footprint is another story - what you do WITH the cup itself is where magic happens.

And by "magic", I mean "realness."  Once you get the water cup, you're literally handed the keys to the wonderful kingdom of fountain beverages.  You're Simba up in that bitch.  Only you and God know whether or not you're pulling down that Times New Roman font-ed water lever under the lemonade (unless these diabolical sons of bitches rigged fountain drink cameras above the dispensers - can't put it past them honestly).  So, what do you do?  You might have initially wanted a comically small glass of water with your meal, but now you've entered soda Narnia and your entire world just got flipped on its head.  You more or less promised to buy a Hyundai, but the attendant left you in a room by yourself with the keys to a shit ton of Lamborghinis and one Hyundai.  Best believe you ain't leaving with that Elantra yo.

With that said, there are the added elements of "those asshole other people" that purchased their wax coated paper cups flipping their nose up at whatever decision you make.  That elitist snob wants to laugh at you pouring the free, highly available (in the 1st world) resource while they roll over you atop their high fructose corn syrup high horse.

Don't let them get to you, though.  Judge the scene.  Assess the situation and do you.  If it's one of those weeks where you've HAD IT with "the man", go right ahead and steal like $0.001 from Shake Shack.  If Susie Suburban Mom is giving you a semi-racist glare for no reason, give her something to tell her husband about:

"I saw this twentysomething black man...*stops to cry for 15 seconds*..pour SPRITE into a cup that was CLEARLY a WATER CUP.  The nerve of him, honey!"

The food spots are going to catch on eventually to this racket, so act fast.  Sneak a little lemonade into your water just to fuck your drink up just because you can.  This is America for a reason.

Tuesday, May 10, 2016

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Table of Contents:

Podcast wearing the 45 like Jordan after coming back from a crippling gambling addiction

Hatin on Whole Foods

Game of Thrones Spoilers

The NFL Draft

The NBA Playoffs