I've Been Around For 27 Years And Can Say, With Complete Confidence, That This Is The Whitest Thing I've Ever Seen

Good lord, man.  These ambiguous blobs of nitrate-free "treats" have set an almost unattainable level of whiteness.  Even Whole Foods would scoff at this like, "Oh wow, we..we just can't sell these."

But you know what?  These are a great way to set the bar EXTREMELY low for children.  Basically perfect for when you want them to have a childhood, but you secretly don't love them/care about their happiness.

Very curious to know what a gingerbread woman even looks like.  Boobs or nah?  Just trying to ask the important questions out here.