Look, I'm not saying this is something we should have spotted a long time ago, but I am saying that the signs were all there. Fat dude, limited mobility, tons of internet time, dry, mayonnaise-less sandwiches for 8 years straight? Combine those things together and you can clearly see how a man can end up in the darkness like that. Hell, if I eat a Subway sandwich with all the fixins, I'm liable to murder people solely on the grounds that the sandwiches are so trash.
[Separate Subway Rant] Yo, why does every Subway smell like a horrible combination of hell, motor oil, and sweaty gym socks? Bread doesn't smell like that. Nothing natural smells like that.
Shout out to Subway for just tweeting through it, though. Rule #1 of PR: if you never acknowledge it, it never happened.
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