Wednesday, January 26, 2011

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Old Man Basketball About To Tip Off



















So me and the boys are about to embark on our first old man basketball league experience. We had a little test run yesterday and let me tell you...it's just not the same. Here's a handful of reasons why I've become the typical old man player vs the standard high school/collegiate athlete.

1) We haven't even played a game yet...the league was supposed to start before January but my card was immediately charged $764 when I signed up back in November. That's right, I'm at some genius 25-year old slackers mercy who can just take my money and attempt to set us up with some gym time. No more free shit. Everybody's got jobs now and they know it.

2) Advanced muscle spasms. Is that a well known term for old dudes? In any physical activity I've been involved in since working a regular office job there's been a ridiculous amount of muscles spasms in places I didn't even know existed. I thought I was going to crumble right in the middle of the court in game 1...But I'm not alone here. Collided into Dub Jeezy yesterday and the man could barely build up the strength to walk out of the house this morning.

3) No wind. You know you're out of shape when you attempt to make a hard move to the basket and proceed to take the next three plays off. Classic old man ball move. Get a rebound, pass it out, crouch down and catch your breath. Chest pains on the basketball court is now ordinary and something we office people have to accept.

4) Tempers flare. The positive energy turns into countless emotional breakdowns. The older one becomes, the more passionate he is about a meaningless game. The physical play will be much slower, but I hope to not get cussed out by a 43-year old accountant because I stepped out of bounds and they didn't call it. We'll see how it all plays out.