Thursday, January 13, 2011

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"How To Talk To Girls" Better Be Considered A Fiction Book

Not to rain on this kid's parade, but fuck Alec Greven. Like if I was in 3rd grade with this kid, I would have beaten him up so fast, kids heads would spin. Teacher would probably call a conference with Alec's parents to let them know how thoroughly their son got his ass kicked. How to talk to girls? Please. If you're writing about it, you're probably not living it buddy.

The line between hating girls and liking girls to the point of talking to them is one of the thinnest figurative lines boys ever cross. I'm not putting myself on a high horse here. I was confused as shit. In first grade, I thought it was 100% acceptable to chase a girl I thought was cute and try to hug/kiss her for the entirety of the day. Nowadays you're looking at 5-10 in the clink for that shit. A lesson learned I'd say. Around 3rd and 4th grade is where things truly start to sink in. You begin to look past how tall every girl is and start to make note of what's really important. Boobs. That's it. Boobs run the show from 4th grade-10th grade, before personalities, figure, and niceness come into play. So here's a heads up--if you were oogled for the better part of middle school and early high school, you should probably reference your goods. Alec didn't mention that shit in chapter one did he?

I also bet he forgets to mention that there is no way to talk to girls at that age. We all either looked exactly the same and/or fit into three social categories: bullies, nerds, or the kids just trying to make it. Most of us fit into the "kids just trying to make it" category. The kids that flew below the radar, were generally fun, played some sports, and make up the entire cool crowd we have today. This category didn't stand a fucking chance out there. If you made a joke to a girl, she already heard it from 4 of your friends earlier in the day, because you guys literally have all the same jokes, are of the same athletic ability/intelligence, and aren't beating people up. Chicks weren't trying to deal with you and your lame ass crew at that time. They were trying to get with the badasses, because that's what was cool back then. I didn't make it up Alec, it's science.

It's not until we break out of our protective shells and develop our own personas that the "just trying to make it crowd" really makes waves. We the people you see wearing nice clothes, being above average athletes, being just smart enough, and drinking Bud Lights. The truth of the matter is Alec, if you didn't talk to girls much as a 8 year old, you're probably getting TONS of ass now.

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