Thursday, January 27, 2011

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Reason #4094 On Why I'm Going To Legitimately Try Not To Have Daughters

Apparently the "hot" new Barbie accessory is some Lady Gaga meat costume. Like, if that doesn't entrench your daughter in the slut category I don't know what will. After all these years of Barbie establishing herself as a reasonable female, with costumes such as President Barbie, Doctor Barbie, Public Accountant Barbie, and of course, Black Barbie--she decides to pull a stunt like this.

How concerned are you if this little number is at the top of your girl's Christmas list? I'm pretty sure you just drive your car into a tree at this point because meat-suit Barbie is the one-stop predictor for a stripper-meth-addicted daughter. Disregard the idea that, "she's only 5, she'll grow out of it." Nah playa. Chick's going to grow into a certified scallywag, running tricks under the football bleachers. At this point as a father, you have to kill a) the poor boy that got swindled by your daughter's advances, b) your daughter because it's a wrap for her, c) yourself, because you're going to jail anyway for killing two teenagers.

Just drive into the tree man.

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