Tuesday, March 22, 2016

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This Question Has Perplexed Me For Roughly 24 Hours

(First off, I am not close to being cultured enough to understand what that symbol is in front of the 75 billion.  No clue what the conversion rate is on a squiggly "L" with a line through it, but alas, this question needs to be answered*.)

Real talk, I don't think I can do anything for 24 hours.  Lets get that out of the way first.  My attention span is basically shot and I complain a ton about almost everything.  Toss a million spiders and one giant creature on the wall and all the bets are off.  But yo, allow me to have my phone so I can get these fire tweets off, too.  For the culture.

Let's get on the elephant in the room - the monster on the wall.  Look, I see the jig.  This thing has six legs and, of course, *pushes up glasses on nose* arachnids have eight legs.  No idea who this impostor is, but I'm not inclined to mess with him.  It's also become abundantly clear that a baseball bat might not be the play.  I'm shocked to admit this, but I've heard from others "Oh, it's just like a dog," he may be friendly. Mannnnnn, WUT.  Not even going to entertain that with a response.  Now onto tactics;

1) Let go and let god - just stay still and pray it doesn't notice you.  Bad plan.

2) Throw the bat at the big thing - honestly not too different from previous plan.  Also bad.

3) Turn the bat into the ultimate shiv so that you have a sword-like contraption - I like this, but it requires a lot of time.  Easily enough time to catch the fade and get your watch stolen.

4) Try to create fire using friction and set the bat on fire - I watched enough episodes of Naked and Afraid to build a B- fire in a likely condemned/abandoned bathroom.  High chance of burning myself to death while the monster watches and giggles, though.  Can't be caught on fire with Crying Jordan on my head.  Can't.

5) Walk into the room, walk right out - Winner.  I also don't want your hard to distinguish pesos or shilling prize money either.  I'll just climb the corporate ladder, retire at an age I'm not thrilled with due to inflation, and avoid being disemboweled by faux-arachnids.

*If this is equivalent to like $3 USD, I'm an idiot and the rest of the blog is void.
** I know it's a "pound" symbol.  (I Googled)

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