Lost In All Of The March Madness Hysteria Is The Fact That Wichita State's Mascot Is A Disgusting Cannibal

Yooooo.  How did we let this slide, y'all?  Are we too into the "Cinderella" story to look over the fact that this bushel of wheat is engaging in cannibalism all up in our faces?

I know mascots are supposed to be a little wonky and are basically there for the kids, but we crossed several lines here.  Call me crazy, but I don't think many kids out there see a jacked piece of wheat and think, "Damn, I NEED to get me a stuffed animal of that!"  Nah.  They're probably confused and very likely scared.  All it takes is one kid to do the "Why does that wheat man have a piece of wheat in his mo.....oh my god" math and this whole thing is blown out of control.  

I guess that's what happens when you go on 100 game win streaks and still have no one in the country know where your school is located.  You can get a little loose in the mascot realm.  Throw some cannibalism in there.  Plop a penis on the nose.  See if anyone cares.  

Baseball Ump Got Hit Directly In The Penis And Basically Died

Sniper on the roof!  But seriously, did he die in that second .gif?  I think he did.  Who can blame him, though?  He took a line drive blast directly in the penis.  If he lived, he probably didn't want to live. Pretty much Lieutenant Dan'ing out there in front of thousands of people.

China Just Kicked Racism Into A New Gear With This Tupac Doll

Welp, China is officially destroying us from every possible angle.  Technology, military strength, and now racism.  Does the US have control of anything anymore?  

My heart goes out to redneck southerners.  They were the kings of "black people" racism.  Now what will become of them and their misplaced hatred?  Racism has changed, y'all.  Can't go around willy-nilly calling people mean names anymore.  Newsflash: three-eyed stereotype dolls are the new hotness.  With things like this in existence, how tacky and played out is a burned cross going to look now?  

Yes, that sound you just heard was the Ku Klux Klan letting out a collective "Fuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhck."

"That's so 2000 and late" - China to traditional racists.

Should I Buy This Ryan Gosling T-Shirt? Asking For A Friend

This is for a friend, clearly.  Duh, man.  Pfft.  The nerve of you guys to insinuate that I would buy a shirt with like a thousand handsome different pictures of Ryan Gosling on it.  So weird.

I have friends - female friends.  And these female friends might be interested in a shirt with one of their favorite handsome actors plastered all over it.  $55?  Ha!  That's a drop in the bucket when it comes to buying such an awesome t-shirt for yourse....a friend.  The one thing that you can never take for granted in this world are your friends.  Nothing hotter in the streets right now than friendship.

(It goes without saying, but the sleeves pop.  They'll look great on my friend's female arm.)

Hey Frog, You Cold?

If there was a picture that can define Winter 2014, this would be it.  Cold, desolate and hopeless.  And here's Exhibit A.  Plain and simple, that's a frog that has given up.  He had the option to go find shelter in the rocks, but just said, "Nah, I'm good."  

Actually, now that I think about it, this frog's a cocky bastard.  Don't act like he's not out there with frozen eyeballs just waiting for someone to take a picture.  I know your game, frog.  "Oh, I temporarily died for 4 months, but I posed like this before I fake died so I can stunt on all of y'all" blah, blah, blah.  You're no different than a "fitness model" on Instagram.  Winter needs to end so I can drink fruity, gender-conflicting margaritas and for frogs to stop being assholes. 

Arguably The Most Disappointing Alligator Of The Last 1000 Years

Hey Alligator,

Get your shit together. 

Sincerely,

The Mesozoic Era

Yikes.  Not a good day for alligators.  Not a good day at all.  16 seed defeated a 1 seed.  Once word gets out that one of them got absolutely brutalized by an otter, respect/fear is going to plummet.  Alligator wrestlers everywhere will be out of jobs, people won't think twice about hitting golf balls out of the swamp and, most of all, otters are officially terrifying.

Seriously.  Otters might have gotten bold all of a sudden.  What struck that otter to say, "Yeah, I can fuck this alligator all the way up"?  That's the question we need to dive into because humans aren't too far off on the "improbable animals otters didn't think they could fuck up, but suddenly can" list.  I'm not trying to get otter-mugged in a dark alley any time soon.  Be on the look out, people.

Sell all alligator stock and buy all otter stock.  Market lesson of the day.

@WMsDiary

The Nose Typing Gawd Is At It Again

How do you discover this talent?  Must have crushed a Five Guys burger and milkshake, stared at his Outlook inbox, passed out on his keyboard and woke up to realize that he was a superstar.  You don't choose nose typing - you "itis", pass out and nose typing chooses you.

Love all the people looking at him, too.  Like, "Oh shit, Khurshid's about to bless us with some nose typing up in this bitch."  Hey guys, I get it.  The office gets REAL mundane at times and this is the perfect thing to shake stuff up.  Hell, I've convinced myself that the characters I've created with paper clips over the years can get their own half-hour HBO show.  We all lose it, but sometimes that can be the best thing that ever happened to us.

Gorillas Are Having An Awesome 2014

Japan is keeping it VERY light in preparation of every animal escaping the zoo.  Throw one of your boys in a super-childish Gorilla costume, let him run around until he get tired, and then poke him with a stick.  Perfect testing strategy.  If the "Rise of the Planet of the Apes" characters followed this strategy, that movie would be over in like 10 minutes.

More importantly for gorillas, Mack Spellman released an album today named after the king of all gorillas.  From the looks of this album cover:

It may tackle some heavy issues.  All albums with silhouettes and orange sunsets do, idiots.  Give him a listen and buy his album (you can pay as little as $0 or as much as 100 Bitcoins) because he's my meal ticket once he makes it big.  I'll be a citizen of Mooch City and the pied piper of maxing out credit cards that aren't mine.  So please, help him because you also help me and I NEED this.  Here's the video for the album titled: "Kong":

(That really dark, super handsome, and very drunk guy at the 0:21 mark may or may not be me)

They Made A "Drunk In Love" Video With Just Emojis And It's Awesome

Careful, ladies.  If you watch this video you may "literally die" or "can't even deal" at an alarming rate.  I know that combining Beyonce with a flagrant use of emojis may, quite realistically, cause some chaos for your gender population.  

With that being said, "Drunk In Love" is a track.  Jam city, population: Me and 3.5 billion chicks.  Not the first time I've posted on it and it certainly won't be the last.  Now that that's out of the way, emojis are also the jam right now.  Fuck if I know how to use them, but if I get an opportunity to post that smiling poop face, it's a good day.

Enjoy.  Don't get into car accidents, miss your stop on trains, fall into open manholes, walk into oncoming traffic, or say "I die.  Like, literally, I died" please.

I Know, Bro. I Know

We've all been there, kid.  Sometimes you flip to a page of the SI Swimsuit issue and see what could possibly be a nipple and BAM, you're blown back in your chair.  You can be a 26 year old blogger, a baby, even a girl and this is the same reaction that you'd get.  Kid didn't even make it to upside down Kate Upton yet.

On a serious note, did this kid just hit puberty before our eyes?  Kind of a special photo from a physiological standpoint, yanno?

FWIW: My rank of the front cover is: Left, Right, Middle.