Thursday, January 5, 2017

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The "It's lit" ft. ellipsis heard 'round the world.  Let's not beat around the bush here, Nicki Minaj ripped Meek Mill's soul out and left it for dead in a plush, oriental-rugged hallway.  The man's in a sweatsuit, wearing white sneakers with black socks, likely taking pictures with a self-timed phone on one of the chairs from the business center.

Look, we've all been there.  Someone broke our heart and we started faking shit immediately.  Three days after you get broken up with appear to be the happiest days of your life.  You're at the club, you're taking pics, you're single again, and it's awesome.  Well, until you get home of course.  Home is where the real pain is.  As soon as you get home, you're on Facebook looking at every single one of her pics trying to see where the glimmer in her eye went out and where you went wrong. Then you try to watch *pron* but even the Incognito tab dude is disappointed in you, which just sucks.

^ he's disgusted, sick to his stomach

But don't worry, Meek. You have all the time in the world to get back in the booth and scream unnecessarily into a microphone.  Mics are scared, man.  You have that power back.  You don't have to worry about being on your girl's tour anymore.  Now get back out there and put together some trash ass garbage juice music for your fans' ears.

Wednesday, January 4, 2017

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What a time. Not only do we have Uber and iPads, we also have tape that we can put on the back of our necks that turns us into a partially eaten bag of Doritos. The future is officially here.

This is just another acceptable form of casual and playful "lying" that ladies like to do, like heels and makeup. When you take off the 6 inch heels, you're 6 inches shorter. When you wipe off the makeup, you look different. When you take off your neck tape, you turn into a bowl of pancake batter. The world keeps spinning on its axis.

But seriously, though. Please don't use this. If you're married or in a long-term relationship, why? If you're single trying to pick up someone, this could only end in disaster. Like, absolute fucking disaster.

Imagine going home with a girl you met at the club, getting a little frisky, and she takes off her neck tape only to unravel like a freshly opened can of buttermilk biscuits. Life ain't supposed to be that cruel.

Love the skin you're in.

Tuesday, January 3, 2017

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^Start at 2:20 (although you should watch the whole thing because it's ridiculous)

Synopsis: Soulja Boy had a home invader, shot him, walked up to the body, pulled the mask off, said he knew who the guy was, and shot him again. Vlad continues to ask questions and indicates that he's very clearly the feds

This is kinda like when Baxter ate the whole wheel of cheese. How can I be upset about any of this? Soulja Boy casually turned a tale of brutal murder into a game of Time Crisis 2 at Chuck E. Cheese.

Like, come on man:

Call me a nerd, but I've never shot and/or murdered anyone before. Yeah, I know. Big time dweeb shit. With that said, no one has ever shot a person like this. Time Crisis doesn't even support this range of motion, dawg. But hey, live your dreams and *shoot* for the stars. You've certainly come a long way from infiltrating our Kazaa and Bearshare accounts with your objectively wack but catchy music.

PS. I'm fairly (100%) certain that DJ Vlad is the most detectable undercover cop of all time. Dude was essentially playing "Guess Who" with Soulja and implicated him roughly 45 times in a five minute interview. Bizarre stuff all around.

Sunday, December 25, 2016

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Did I just disappear for an undisclosed amount of time for no reason? I mean, yeah.

Did I replace frequent blog posts with a narcissistic podcast that more or less ignored the fact that I wrote a blog for years? Oh, most definitely.

Did I occasionally forget that I had a blog altogether? Yes, my brain is basically mush.

So here's the deal - I'm getting my Master's in Business Administration like a god damn fucking nerd and decided to pause the blog while I focused on getting good grades and learning stuff (re: like a god damn fucking nerd). Now that the "effort" situation has been handled, I can get back to focusing on the things that really matter in this world - writing an internet diary about my thoughts and my thoughts only. Order has been restored. Relationships can get patched up. And, most importantly, my family can resume being extremely disappointed in me.

The blog is back, baby. I'm pumped.

Thursday, December 22, 2016

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ToC:

Christmas Time - let's talk Christmas!
Actually, ehh, Christmas is just ight
How old timey athletes would fare against current athletes in different sports
Why are 11 year olds listening to this podcast?

Monday, November 21, 2016

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We have a guest!
Let's talk to the guest!
So something (very bad )happened on 11/8/2016
We movin' to MARS
We talked about our old podcast years back when we were super depressed
Back to the NBA

Sunday, October 30, 2016

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Lots of NBA Talk
Some walking dead
Assorted Nonsense

***LONG episode alert***

Friday, October 7, 2016

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We're back - this podcast has almost died like 5 times, we're aware
Sean was in Greece, I was in New Orleans
Ryan Fitz vs. Carson Wentz
A friend and her husband listened to this podcast on their honeymoon
So did Colin Kaepernick
Killer clowns
We talk about the cult classic: American Pie
Next 30 for 30 title?

Monday, August 22, 2016

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  • Worst bachelorette locations for your girlfriend to attend
  • The Olympics - Lochte, Usain, Basketball, International incidents
  • People are eating people in Florida again
  • Do we need Florida?
  • Do we need the south?

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

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  • We catch up about our lives and how Sean almost ruined my best man speech
  • How we were wrong about Kevin Durant and just about everything
  • David West is poor now
  • Pokemon Go is insanity
  • Kim K vs. Taylor
  • the RNC
  • Other stuff