Wednesday, January 4, 2017

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Ladies, If You Ever Wanted To Tape Your Neck Skin Together Like A Used Bag Of Chips, Your Solution Is Finally Here!

What a time. Not only do we have Uber and iPads, we also have tape that we can put on the back of our necks that turns us into a partially eaten bag of Doritos. The future is officially here.

This is just another acceptable form of casual and playful "lying" that ladies like to do, like heels and makeup. When you take off the 6 inch heels, you're 6 inches shorter. When you wipe off the makeup, you look different. When you take off your neck tape, you turn into a bowl of pancake batter. The world keeps spinning on its axis.

But seriously, though. Please don't use this. If you're married or in a long-term relationship, why? If you're single trying to pick up someone, this could only end in disaster. Like, absolute fucking disaster.

Imagine going home with a girl you met at the club, getting a little frisky, and she takes off her neck tape only to unravel like a freshly opened can of buttermilk biscuits. Life ain't supposed to be that cruel.

Love the skin you're in.

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