BAM

Craw, Myself, and G would like to welcome you all to the new look Working Man's Diary.

Getting this new page was swallow-a-cyanide-pill worthy, but it got done god dammit. Also, this is a fantastic filler post to cover up my almost debilitating writer's block.

PS. This is arguably (but not arguably) the best looking team of bloggers on the entire internet.

Human Centipede: The Musical

So on a normal day, just walking to class, late, after a grueling morning T ride and inevitable stop at Dunkin Donuts, I'm forced to stop short yet again when I pass THIS gem of a flyer. The words "Human Centipede" alone are awkward, even if I didn't already know that they refer to an absurd horror movie about a mad scientist attaching some people to each other. I think it's safe to say something like that should never be MUSICAL. Its non-musical existence is already questionable.

But what really brings this all home is the girl with the turquoise gel pen who wrote a heartfelt "yes! <3" at the top. Is this really the one thing that made you stop in your day and whip out your Lisa Frank art supplies in support? Who are you??

I'll be keeping an eye out for a Human Centipede musical AND for this girl. I'm not sure which one I'm more worried about.

Nickelodeon Bringing Back The Classics

Apparently it's in the works for Nickelodeon to run new episodes of the classic heavyweight shows that include Rugrats, Hey Arnold and Rocket Power. I don't know about you but this is the best thing I've heard since KFC introduced the Double Down (really says a lot about my life in general doesn't it).

This is gonna be a whirlwind sending me straight back to the fifth grade. Definitely will be running home from work to catch the latest episodes. If only MTV would just bring back Total Request Live then all would be right with the world again. Don't kid yourself. We all miss this shit.

Didn't Think This Would Go So Successfully

When you see country bumpkins put together a roller-coaster with extra pieces of a K-Nex set you are expecting some fireworks. Or at the very least expecting to see the dude nearly die while going through that loop.

Not that I'm a sadist or anything, but I was truly disappointed in the outcome of this video. So much more negative will come from this than positive. Dudes all over Arkansas and South Dakota are going to want roller coasters in their backyards now. I don't want to go to an SEC football game in the future and have everyone riding homemade roller-coasters instead of getting fucked up on moonshine. That's not a good look for the south, and I hope a similar alternative video surfaces of a dude not quite making it through the loop.

Snooki Straddles a Rocket

Just want to point out the latest cover of Rolling Stone, featuring Snooki in short fringe shorts and cowgirl boats, twirling a lasso, slapping her own ass, AND riding a giant silver rocket to being more famous and rich than any of us can even think about. She IS America. Her and Charlie Sheen could be our ruling king and queen, and we could watch them reign on the best reality TV show ever made. Plus, I'm going to say it: she looks bangin' (in her own Snooki way) in that outfit. I just hope she doesn't shrink into a skinny little non-Snooki if this fame keeps up. Rock on and don't ditch the pickles, "America's #1 Party Girl." Forget Gatsby in 3D, YOU are the American dream.

P.S. Snooki to MTV: "Vinny definitely compares to the rocket I sat on." Yepp.

Umpire School Is No Joke

How about some better appreciation for the men in blue after reading Jim Caple's piece on his session at the Wendelstedt umpire school. I don't know how many times I've looked to home plate in complete disbelief from the stands or atop the mound myself. I mean there's undoubtedly a number of people waiting for the day we get irobot out there to avoid another chance at Galarraga-gate.

But man, I really felt Caple's pain when he couldn't even spit out ball or strike in the cage. Heads or tails dude...you got it - 50% chance. Sure I think it's easy while stretched out blogging about it...but isn't that why I'm back here blogging? Making the big leagues - dream is over. Coaching - doubt it. Calling the game - no way. Maybe in little league. So essentially all guys like me and Caple are left to do is sit here and criticize.

Check the line of umpires above stretching each morning like they're in boot camp...Crazy right? Well my friends that's cause they are pretty much taking part in boot camp. These sessions run all day from the classroom to the field. Caple said it best here: "I've covered baseball for 25 years and have seen more than 2,000 games at the major league level. I've watched countless others on TV. I know the game. And I get 20 percent of the questions correct on one test."

A little more respect for the guys behind home plate shouting their heads off. Go ahead and tack on a few informationals for your buddy Craw.

Elephant In The Room: What Will I Do If The NFL And NBA Have Lockouts?

Let's be honest fellas, you're scared shitless. With all of these "labor talks" and fruitless "negotiations", it's safe to say we are about to be knee deep in no real sports being on TV for quite some time.

We're talking about the preposterous idea of having to watch Major League Baseball every day and the even more far-fetched thought of watching Premier League Soccer. Like I can't even imagine that. I can imagine getting hit by a car, but I can't imagine soccer being my only option for sports satiation for an entire year. I think I'm going to throw up.

Looks like I'm going to have to develop a...hobby. What's a hobby I ask? Not sure. I think it's something you do when you're not athletic. This little graphic is no help either. I'm pretty sure I'm not a white male/female living in Greenwich, Connecticut. Equestrian? Lacrosse? Anchoring??! Please. With that said, I will absolutely begin anchoring if both of these sports become temporarily defunct. Sailing the high seas dropping anchors in water, killing 5-8 aquatic creatures, possibly destroying some coral, I don't know. We'll make a party out of it.

Someone better step up at some of these high-level sports meetings and resolve this shit or else we will be fast approaching "Anchoring Man's Diary" status. Craw being my swashbuckling pirate sidekick and G just soaking the rays, not doing shit despite my pleas for her to teach me what Anchoring means.

Couple Of REALLY Old People Misinterpret Tree Trunk For ET

Granted, if I was a geezer with these guys' mileage, I'd 100% think that was ET in the tree trunk. I'd also think it was about 4000 other things too because I'd be so far gone, nothing would make sense anymore.

I'm confused at what makes news anymore these days. I can imagine this guy calling in to whoever he called (it wasn't the cops right?) and that person simply not caring enough. That would be the end of that in a normal world. Not in Glousterchire, UK, where apparently not a damn thing happens.

ET in a tree trunk? The nerve of these people.

Obligatory Charlie Sheen Post

Never seen a dude killing the scene like Charlie is right now. Each day I get a new favorite quote from this guy. First one was, "I'm made up of tiger's blood. I have Adonis' DNA." That was featured on our Twitter (@WMsDiary..ahem) because I was bored and probably got flagged at work for putting that up. My 2nd, 3rd, and 4th favorite quotes are featured in this video.

The only way WMD can do better than winning is "bi-winning", so we're just going to go about the rest of our blogs with a(2x)winners mentality.

So Google Chrome And Iran Have Joined Forces To Shut Down WMD

Legit wrote two posts on god knows what a few minutes ago, and Google Chrome just decided to destroy them. Acting like I didn't put a solid 6 minutes combined into both of those things.

Iran. Those sons of bitches act fast don't they? Made a post yesterday about them coming at the London Olympics logo, and next thing you know, I'm getting attacked via internet warfare. Actually I don't even know if this is Iran's doing because Google Chrome is acting real shady too. Just straight up won't give me the option to post blogs. Trying to smoke me out.

I'm not budging. As long as the trusty default Internet Explorer is here to make me think it's 2001 or something, I'll be here to stay...