Just Watch The First 3 Minutes Please

Under normal circumstances I would never post a 9 minute video because there has never been a 9 minute video on the internet worth my time, but this may be an exception. The first three minutes of this video may be some of the greatest footage ever captured and restored.

First off, I completely forgot about floppy disks. My brain just decided to sweep that shit under the rug when more important/relevant things had to be learned. Secondly and most importantly, MC Digital Protector up here absolutely kills it. Dude just invades their computer screen and starts imparting his views on these two teenagers clearly trying to get their Oregon Trail swerve on. Straight spiel after spiel until these kids undoubtedly just shut off the computer and start hooking up. His entire game has to be his outfit. If you want to grab my attention during a floppy disk/digital rights related rap, you better be wearing a leather fedora. That shit must weigh six pounds.

I wish this happened when I downloaded Kazaa/Bearshare/Ares/Limewire. Some hipster singing some alternative emo-track about how I'm taking Lars Ulrich's money or some shit. Just the first 3 minutes please.

Ever Since I Got An E-Reader, People Blatantly Like Me Less

Hell, I don't even like myself. People are treating me like I got sprayed by a skunk while simultaneously wearing a KKK hoodie, or whatever those are.

I mean, I want the whole act of opening the carrying case to not take 5 minutes and involve a ton of attention grabbing movements and sounds, but I can't. Everyone in a 15 feet radius knows I'm "better" than them and am capable of reading my book without the constraint of turning real pages. It's a harsh realization knowing that I'm no longer "Dub from the block." Now I'm like one of those asshole rappers that rap about the streets, but is sneakily living comfortably in a gated community in Greenwich, Conn. I'm supposed to be blogging about the streets and how hard it is to sit in front of excel all day in a competitively paying financial landscape, not about how I'm better than turning tree-made pages. I almost looked next to me today and complained about screen smudges to a chick that had clear fruit-punch stains on her 900 page novel.

Life's harder when you're better than people and try to hide that your better, but unknowingly appear to be more of a dick when you're actively trying not to be a dick. What?

How Did I Not Feel A Thing?

So this is a map of where the east coast earthquake hit as reported by HuffPost Green. It looks like the Boston area felt the 5.8 Virginia quake in pretty dramatic fashion. All I encountered was the tsunami of facebook and twitter quips over the following three hours. I was tempted to get in on the action but everything was already just about covered.

Seriously though am I that much of a zombie on the job where I don't even blink at the notion of an earthquake. Everyone at work was overly concerned as I proceeded to stay in the zone. Can't shake me at the office I guess. Yeah I'll spin this into a compliment. Primetime employee from 9-5 right here.

I...Would?

You best be out your mind if you think for one second I actually considered not using the SHIT out of this controller Gameboy (good eye commenter). Definitely inputting the most cheat codes I can before getting taken into custody.

Um, something's wrong with the suit. Like, 1/8th of the screen is missing up top.

Dub Asks Girls: "Why Do All Of You Use The Word 'Blah' Extensively In Non-Verbal Conversation?"

Girl: "I'm sooo bored...blahhhh"
Me: "You fall on your keyboard bro?"

This happens every day. Probably like every hour or so some girl that I'm conversing with on G-Chat or via text gets bored and has the need to send over the letter combination of "blah." It can also be seen in other forms such as, "bleh" or the seldom used "bluh." If the female you're talking to uses bluh in conversation, you should most certainly add her to your blocked list. But back to the point. I don't get it at all. Do you say blah to get me to say something? Is that my cue to entertain you or is it that you can't flush out a full thought, but definitely have something to say?

It's like the ultimate trump card girls can pull in conversation to make something happen. The guy is so fucking confused that he almost has to respond because he doesn't know what it means. I remember the guy version of this back in my all-star AOL Instant Messenger days. That shit was: "sooooo." Puts people on the god damn spot and has them sweating at their desk construing some bullshit answer to respond to the super vague word riddle. Granted, it was almost met with a 100% no response rate, but the point was made--I want to keep talking, but I have nothing to say. I'm tapped out, depleted, creatively exhausted, and am extending an olive branch to you so that our chat window will not be closed.

So I think I get it. I've reached that critical point in all of my female relationships where I'm just on the cusp of not being talked to, but still intriguing enough to keep conversations hanging by a thread. Sounds about right.

No Doubt In My Mind That This 75 Year Old Giant Lobster Has More Swag Than Me

^"he radiates a certain charisma..a crustacean charisma"

Are you kidding me? I can't believe a god damn lobster is cooler than me. It's not even close. Do you know how powerful "crustacean charisma" is? I don't either, but it has to be on some superhero shit. Because crustaceans are glorified bugs. I was discussing this with my friends last night. Lobsters are basically giant, armored, bugs. People just turn a blind eye to it, but it's a fact.

When I hear things like crustacean charisma, that basically equates to "cockroach/bumblebee/mosquito swagger" and immediately doesn't sound right. And it's pretty insulting. I'm trying to be a funny blogger that gives people something to read after they read all of their other favorite blogs, ESPN, every friend's facebook status, and 1534 people's twitter updates. I'm already up against a lot, we can't add a giant father-timeish lobster's to the mix or I'm finished.

Sidenote: how much does this dude cost to eat? Like a million dollars? A thousand gold bars?

If You Need Potty Training, You're Probably Going To Grow Up Stupid

Little Dub J was not the ideal kid by any means. Shit, I'd go with a solid C- grade for myself as far as children go. I dug dirt instead of being social, I had a smart mouth, and I routinely left 99% empty bottles of milk sitting in the fridge. Frankly I'm shocked my mother didn't send me back to the stork. One thing I dominated that completely justifies the C- grade was going to the bathroom. It's a concept that seems so simple it's crazy that kids struggle with it.

It's been a weird day at work and I've heard like 14 different accounts of people struggling with the idea of 1-ing and 2-ing in the toilet. Up until like age 6 even! I can't even fathom that nonsense. I knew point blank that having some unsettling mess in my diaper was not a good look for all involved. Plus I have no doubts my dad struggled with the entire changing process. As soon as I can move, not walk, I made my way to the toilet and got my work done. Just crawling/slugging my way towards toilets and plopping myself up like Lt. Dan in Forrest Gump. I've been told no one even had to consider showing me how to "potty" because the day is just a little better when you don't have to go through the morning with poop in your diaper.

If my kid remotely struggles with that process, I'm writing it off immediately and calling it a wash on all of it's goals and aspirations.

Mark Sanchez Redefining The V-Neck And Not Remotely Worrying Me About The Season

^It goes without question that this post is wavering towards homoerotic.

My squad's QB took the idea of a V-Neck T-shirt and literally revolutionized it. No clue where it ends. That being said, this picture makes me extremely worried about the Jets season. During Mark's rookie year he was in GQ, but it was all amateurish and shit and didn't really set off an alarm. This year he's clearly gotten too good at that shit. Instead of hucking perfectly placed 60 yd bombs up the sideline, he's putting mad product in his hair and talking to himself in the mirror like Patrick Bateman from American Psycho. The name of the game is wins. You win, you can literally do whatever the fuck you want. Just ask Tom Brady. Dude is cool as a clam. I'm pretty sure he can denounce blacks, gays, hispanic, jewish, white, and middle easterners at the same time and still be praised on PTI. Winning is all that matters.

I don't know since I'm not an expert, but maybe decline the photoshoot until you bring home the title?

Diddy, Baron Davis, Russell Westbrook, And Kevin Love In Class?...What?

No idea where your 5-Star Trapper Keeper is Diddy, but this lecture looks like it's passing you by. I guess when the NBA goes on a lockout, my man Diddy sees that as an excuse to take a well deserved break himself. I mean, with all the work he's been doing with the Bad Boy label, putting out multiple successful artists, and blowing up the Sean John brand....wait a second. I haven't heard a song off the Bad-Boy label in like 4 years, Yung Joc. And Sean John fell out of the fashion game with throwback jerseys and Hypnotiq. Da fuck have you been doing man?

I'll tell you who has zero interest in getting any learning done in this picture and that's Russell Westbrook. Dude has one of those Minute Maid Apple Juice bottles that have like 3 ounces of juice less than what you actually want. He's gonna be thirsty in 15 minutes and strikes me as a guy that if he leaves class to get a drink, he's probably not coming back. Oh yeah can't forget Kevin "sun's out, gun's out" Love. I used to do that any day it was above 47 degrees in college because I'm a douchebag, so I can't knock it.

Baron Davis looking studious as a motherfucker. What a weird picture.

Some Weird Sites Are Linking To WMD

As the site's getting bigger and more popular, a lot of good things are starting to happen. Page views have risen, big websites are mentioning us, and people are liking what we're doing. Bad things are starting to happen too. Weird fucking websites are linking to us and it's making me think that people think my website may be something it's not. Let me explain.

Whenever I look at the analytics, I check on what sites link to us and try to build a relationship with them so it keeps happening. The other day I checked and saw that about 50 websites with "xxx" somewhere within them were just really fond of "A Working Man's Diary." Not the type of promotions I want. Is my site featured on the sidebar of sketchy porn sites? Can't have that. Another disturbing trend I've seen is the Russian love we're getting. I thought nothing of it a few months ago because if I can parlay that into a hot Russian girl that'd be awesome, but nope. I investigated and WMD is being coupled with those Faberge Russian eggs with like 25 portly chicks in them. That's potentially a worse look than the porn sites because there is nothing scarier than a well-crafted Faberge egg.

Porn and sketchy Russian egg sites? Is that secretly what WMD does?