Yeah, I'd Have Sex With This Burger

Yup, just said I'd fornicate with a burger.  Can't decide if this is the highest low point or the lowest high point, but regardless, once it's blogged it's written in stone.

That's all I have to say.  Just a drive-by tale of burger coitus that fucked your night up.

We've All Been Here

When you're three years old, you're not exactly racking up the accomplishments.  You may spell a word correctly and tie your shoes here and there, but ultimately, you ain't shit.  Mom knows it.  Dad knows it.  You know it.  The mere idea and process of pooping is is just about all you have to hang your hat on. This little girl got that taken away from her.

I'm not going to lie, 3-year old Dub would be pissed too.  Livid, actually.  Little bro literally flushed the one thing you actually "did" all day down the toilet.  Otherwise all you did was color outside the lines, cry about chicken nuggets and steal money from your parents' savings account.

Chin up, Olivia.  In about 10 years, guys will convince themselves that you've never pooped once in your life.  Smooth sailing soon.

PS.  Such a poker face:

NBA 2K14 Has Upped The Realism

Dude got the cover of the game and couldn't even get them to superimpose a fake hairline on his head.  Times are hard for the king out here.  Wonder if the game will add a section in the crowd for groupies, hoes, scallywags and side-chicks.  Then and only then will this set the standard of realism.

PS. No harder worker in the NBA than LeBron James' headband:

Probably Need To Leave Earth ASAP

Yeah, I Googled "Lance Bass Space Exploration Cost" because hey, you never know.  Turns out that I don't have 20 million dollars lying around and need a plan B to get the hell out of here.

I've looked at these pictures for about 5 minutes and truly have no idea how to kill these things.  They're in a weird area between fly-swatter and shotgun that I can't figure out.  One thing that I can figure out is that I need to get the fuck out.  NASA has like one or two dudes watching it since the government is shut down, right?  Pretty sure flying a spaceship can't be more difficult than whatever was happening in that stupid "Gravity" trailer.  Let's do this.

Operation: Don't Even Pack Your Shit, We Gotta Go! commences now.

JK, we all dead.  Literally can't imagine a worse death.

We're Really Stupid, Guys

 

I'm not one to get particularly political, especially about healthcare reform. It's very complicated and there's always someone there to tell you that you're wrong, regardless of what you say. But I can at least say that I do some research and attempt to formulate an educated opinion on political issues. Which apparently isn't what most of the U.S. does.

 

 

P.S. I see you 2 bit Bob Costas wearing the O's hat.

Life's All About Keeping Your Head On A Swivel

Sure, maybe this child is permanently scarred and the bunny got eviscerated, but life lessons were definitely learned.  You can't go through life being coddled.  You have to develop good habits, street (grass) smarts and know the dangers around you at all times.  This bunny thought it was on easy street (grass) and didn't consider the high populations of hawks in the area.  Dumb.  We should all learn from this.

PS. This shit is HILARIOUS

PPS. I imagine this is how college works when parents drop their attractive daughter off and drive away.

What's The Opposite Of DVR? Because I Need To Do That For The Next Season Of HBO's "Girls"

Don't get me wrong, I'm not the President of the He-Man Woman Haters Club.  The show just sucks.  It's just like any other bad show in the fact that it's not entertaining, but unlike one in the fact that it's so "critically acclaimed" and well-received.  Doesn't make a lick of sense.  Oh wait, it does.  There are like 5 million 22-28 year old girls in New York City that think this show is "just like US!"  Yeah, once you forget that someone gave Lena Dunham a 7-figure book deal for being tough to look at on television, you're basically the same, ladies.

Here's how you fix this:

Much less of this:

Absolutely no more of this:

A little more of this, but not too much, since her character sucks too:

Hate these guys:

Don't even think my brain registers that these two are on the the show:

Done and done and done.  Dub Jeezy's tried and true methods on making HBO's "Girls" turn from a D+ show to a C- show.

I Think Rihanna Put Teyana Taylor On Burn Notice

So this is Rihanna's Twitter background right now.  Plain and simple, that's a Super Mario fireball right on Teyana's face.  I'm not following the brawl because it looks like your standard cat fight that really has no start or end point, but it appears that shots have been fired.

I don't know too much about Teyana other than the fact that she can put together a mean hashtag and is the General of the Butterface Army.  On the flipside, I know way too much about Rihanna.  "We Found Love" has been my favorite song for like 621 consecutive days.  Also, I definitely know that $90M is 89 1/2 million dollars more than $500K.  Math is math.

PS. Can I just have that ".8" amount of Twitter followers that Rihanna has?  It's still downright criminal with the amount of people that read this blog daily that I don't have more Twitter followers.

Be part of the solution, not the problem: @WMsDiary

Chris Bosh Went A Weird Route With His "Nickname" Jersey

*The NBA is having a "nickname" game with the Nets vs. the Heat on some date that I will not be circling on the calendar.  Once I saw this was happening, I worried for Chris Bosh.  He and only he could screw this up.  Guess what?  He did.

Nah, incorrect choice.  You only had a few options and you Bosh'd the shit out of it.  People think you're weird to begin with and you had to go with the 2 Chainz elongated "YAAASSSSS."  Bad play.  Don't worry there's still time to make some changes

Option 1: 

Timeless, relevant, and topical.  Also, Comic Sans is such a Bosh move.  This is choice #1 exclusively because of:

Option 2: 

Not necessarily a nickname as much as it is a declaration of a previously known fact.  Can't live a lie forever, Christopher.  You're a slice right out of the Mesozoic Era.  Own it.

You had options, man.  Were you in a time crunch?  Strapped by a "send in your nickname by noon" deadline?  That's the only explanation.  Clean it up.  I expect better come game time.

Bonus jersey that's not really a jersey at all and just a .gif.

Like a Bosh, indeed.

Big Fan Of This Creepy Slow Loris

Not mad at this Slow Loris one bit.  Does he looks like he cares that he is being photographed looking down Rihanna's shirt?  Absolutely not.  Creeper game on 1000. It probably took him no less than 45 minutes to climb onto her back and get the perfect viewing angle.  I say he earned it.

Life doesn't give you too many fair shakes as a Slow Loris.  You're slow as all fuck and perpetually on the verge of becoming extinct. When life gives you Rihanna slut boobs, you have no choice but to make lemonade.

PS. Is anyone surprised that Rihanna caused a loris-related international uproar in a city named Phuket?  Anyone?