Wednesday, January 21, 2015

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Kelly Rowland Was Most Definitely Hustling Backwards

Lots to discuss here.  Firstly, this "Dilemma" video is doing NUMBERS.  Shit's flabbergasting.  If we're being real with ourselves and push nostalgia aside, this song wasn't even that great.  Catchy as hell? Yup.  Actually a good song?  No.

Bringing nostalgia back for a second, the combination of "Dilemma" and "I Need a Girl Pt. 1" all but confused me forever about women. The early 2000s made me really want a girlfriend while simultaneously making me never want a girlfriend.  A confusing time indeed.  Nelly wanted a chick with a man and a son even though he knew it was a terrible idea and Diddy was just fucking depressed.  I had no idea what to think.  But preteen boners be preteen boners, ya know?

Now to the subject of the picture - Kelly Rowland, what in the shit are you doing?  You accidentally clicked on the Excel icon on your sidekick and you think you're texting Nelly via spreadsheet, you idiot.  Nelly ain't trying to see your bomb-ass Excel macro at 2:45am.  Unless you're playfully drawing ( - )( - ) boobs in these cells, Nelly wasn't going to parse through your regression analysis, ma.

Don't worry.  We can learn from this, fellas.  With all these new fangled dating apps and websites, it's hard to standout.  Well lucky for you, WMD is here with foolproof Microsoft Excel game-spittin' tactics.  

Change the game by sending that chick you met in the club during "MLK Jr. Ladies Get In Free" Weekend an excel document outlining all the ways you're going to change her life for the better in Q1.  No need to thank me.