Serious Question: Can You Get Static Electricity’d To Death?

No joke, I’m fairly certain that I have absorbed 100,000 volts of electricity today. Every time I touch something metal there is a 100% certainty I’m taking a static shock. I try to brace for it, but I’m such a bitch I seize up at the last second and it ends up getting me worse. I’m not even completely sure if it hurts. There’s literally no way to describe the feeling other than the fact that it sucks.

Obviously I called my mom on the matter and she said to ball out on Bounce dryer sheets to get rid of the static in my clothes. $10 later and I’m still getting roasted like a motherfucker. It’s at the point where it’s time to start accepting my fate. I’m either coming out of this with the most embarrassing obituary of all time or some really strange super-powers.

It goes without saying, that this weekend is a wrap for me. Combine my extremely annoying ability to semi-electrocute myself with this random eye twitch I developed 3 hours ago and I’ll basically be like Quasimodo in the bars.

PS. Made valid/desperate attempts to throw a Pikachu joke in there. Nothing can hurt your blogger status more than a misplaced/timed Pikachu joke.