Friday, February 10, 2012

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Facebook Friday #A Zillion

The FB Friday well is running dry these days (thank God). Do people not have the energy? Have you unsubscribed me on Facebook, because I’m essentially turning into spam? Do you hate FB Friday as much as I do? Thanks everyone for the submissions!

1. Linsanity

Everything has been said about this dude already, but I’m still boggled. As a former pick-up basketball maestro, I’ve seen my fair-share of ball players in different shapes and sizes. My rule of thumb when I play with people is check their sneakers—9 times out of 10, dudes that keep their shoe game reasonably tight can reasonably play. Occasionally there is that quick girl that you want nothing to do with out of fear of getting crossed/scored on because you were in defensive purgatory (because she’s a girl you can’t guard her tough, but she’s actually good, so she’ll make a fool out of you). And fucking occasionally there is an irrationally good Asian player. Swag on swag, handle, a quick release and years of basketball oppression under their belt. Jeremy Lin is that x 1,000. Thanks MD.

2. Dad Teaches His Daughter A Lesson On Facebook

Rule #1 if I fail miserably and end up with a daughter: never buy her a laptop and force her to transcribe all of her schoolwork and study exclusively from Encyclopedia Britannicas. Too much bad comes from laptops. Next thing you know she’s Gchatting, webcamming, Myspacing, and pornographing. Nuh uh, not on my watch. Massive props to this IT cowboy for going HAM on passive-aggressive PSAs. And for unloading 8 bullets into her Dell Inspiron. Granted, it’s not by the books, but I guarantee that girl will NOT have a boyfriend or a social life for the next 8-10 years. Father of the year. Thanks Igoon.

3. Little Jamaican Girl Gives The Wackiest Directions To Her House

You ever know when you’re saying something completely wrong and just keep rolling with it? Like you know you’re spitting terrible game at the bar to some chick, but you’re vomiting words and doing weird expressions in a desperate attempt to salvage everything. That’s basically what this girl did, but in an adorable, misguided GPS kind of way. Take 13 “ups”, hit “that other house”, take like 8 more slightly to the left “ups”, zig-zag a few times, spot that mango tree, and just 134 feet to the upper-left quadrant is her house. It sounded easy to me, but I’m just a really smart and perceptive dude. Thanks Igoon (two quality vids).

4. Lindsay Lohan Looking Like A Trash Troll Gremlin

Shoot down my standards all you want, but this chick was never “hot” to me. I’d definitely toss her some obligatory glances at the bar, but will I go out of my way to take shots with this girl? Nope. Especially now that she looks like she got into a fight with a Botox-Ugly Pills Monster. Mean Girls kicked my feelers up a bit, but that brunette bimbo-ey chick (Lacey Chabert) was exponentially hotter. I’d still kill a few homeless people for that girl. Regardless Lindsey..I still would. Thanks CG (sorry couldn't import your pic at work for some reason).

5. Mid-20s Create Some Of The Strangest Friday/Saturday Interactions
“Yo man, what are we doing tonight?” “Eh, I’m not too sure, debating staying in.” “Whoa, what?” “Yeah man, this week just drained me.”

Raise your hand if you had that interaction. The Friday/Saturday night conundrum is becoming a borderline epidemic. People just don’t feel like subbing themselves into the grind every week. I get it, the grind is fucking awful, but I simply have no alternative. At this point, it’s a foregone conclusion that I’m going to end up at a dimly lit spot that’s hopefully playing good music in hopes that I can salvage a decent night. What am I going to do, blog? On the weekend? Pfft. I dedicate too much time to tomfoolery, video games, and television during the week to hang up the jersey on Friday and Saturday. It may be irrational, but these tires still got some tread on them and if they do I’ll be out there sweating profusely, bothering people. Let this be a warcry to any of you considering staying in tonight because you’re tired: we only have a few more years where this can be considered socially acceptable and then we got to find husbands/wives and shit. Sounds awful. Go out tonight. Thanks JT.

Weekend time.

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