Monday, February 6, 2012

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My Signature Is Getting More Dickish As The Days Go On

^shout out to the sausage, egg & cheese biscuit for being amazing and the wonderful Hispanic staff of McDonald's for consistently serving me breakfast every weekend morning.

Do you see that signature? That shit is beyond outrageous. A pure representation of carelessness and disrespect to the idea of penmanship. Literally nothing up there resembles anything close a letter in any language--just loops on loops on loops. Every time I'm at a restaurant or a bar and the server sees me put my signature on the line, they all give me a subtle head shake just to let me know I'm a dick. A reassuring feeling to let me know I'm doing it right.

That's how it's got to be. I have a firm, misguided belief that the more illegible your signature is, the more baller you are. So as far as I'm concerned, I'm just doing things backwards. Scribbling haphazardly on a line with an utter disregard for human life is absolutely going to put me on the fast track to yachts, platinum grills, and diamond-encrusted toilets. Put a signature line there? I'm going to scribble over, under, and around it. Never on it. If you have the audacity to put two separate "Print Name" and "Sign Name" lines, I will make sure to print my name in the most pristine, sexy way imaginable while proceeding to make a mockery of your existence with my signature. I might even stare you down when I do it just to make a point. As far as I'm concerned, even with zero evidence, this plan can't fail.

PS. If any of you internet sleuths can somehow figure out my credit card number based off this picture, I'll be genuinely impressed. Enjoy the $6 remaining on that bad boy and buy yourselves some movie theater Mike & Ikes.

3 Reactions to this post

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  1. Anonymous said... February 6, 2012 at 5:51 PM

    haven't been able to read my signature since '98

  2. Anonymous said... February 6, 2012 at 9:12 PM

    my signature is composed entirely of loops as well. respect

  3. Anonymous said... February 8, 2012 at 1:02 AM

    My signature is a train wreck when I use those electronic signers. Absolute train wreck.

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