Monday, February 27, 2012

// //

New York Couple Gets Plane Poop Dropped On Them While On A Date

Dating is hard these days. You have to really put yourself out there and literally hope the person likes you enough to see you again. Then you play the text game, arrange a location, figure out what each other likes to eat, what time you're going to meet, etc. Not an ounce of romance, just logistics.

Once you're on the date, you make conversation and quietly struggle to find any common ground. To be safe, you start with "the weather", then you make a few jokes about the menu, and pray to God one of your hobbies syncs up. The waiter comes by and you both pretend you have a basic knowledge of wine and order a bottle to loosen you up. After a few drinks, apps, and dinner, it's time to figure out "what's next?" Without a doubt the hardest part of the date. You don't want to be too forward, but you also want to show interest so you say something you saw in the last Rom-Com you watched, "Want to grab coffee or something?"--you don't even fucking like coffee. Finally you take your date home, gaze awkwardly at each other and wonder whether or not you both performed well enough to deserve a dap/hug/cheek peck/regular peck/make-out/come inside.

Just when you're about to make your move and perform the Hitch-approved 90:10 kiss ratio, imagine human excrement pummeling yourself and your date in the foreheads. You can't come back from that. You just exchange a disgusted look, delete each others numbers, and absolutely go out of your way to make sure you never see each other again.

If you combine the recession, the fact that I write a blog, and plane poo falling from the skies, there is almost a 100% certainty that Dub J may be riding solo for the foreseeable future.

1 Reaction to this post

Add Comment
  1. Ajlounyinjurylaw said... March 21, 2012 at 12:05 AM

    That is so bad, what a horrible thing to happen.

Post a Comment