Friday, February 24, 2012

// //

So What Happens When The "Act Of Valor" Actors Actually Have To Act?

^"The only easy day was yesterday" is the stupidest shit I've heard in awhile

This has been bouncing around my head for awhile now. "Act of Valor" keeps hyping up the fact that it features "Active Duty Navy Seals", but I'm pretty sure I'm the only one that sees a few holes in that. I write blogs, if you cast me in a movie about writing blogs, I'd be the shittiest actor in the movie.

WMD supports the troops like no other, but you can't tell me these motherfuckers have an acting bone in their body. Sure the scenes that feature them doing EXACTLY what they do on a normal NAVY Seal-ish day will probably be easy, but what happens when they have to: talk, make facial expressions that let the audience know what they're feeling, cry, recite memorized lines, fake fight, dodge fake explosions, etc. Should I keep going? There are literally dozens of things I'm fully confident none of these guys know how to do. I'm not knocking them, I'm just saying don't cast staff Lt. Brooks to play the dramatic lead in a major motion picture. I'm sure some people have it in them, but imagine if "Space Jam" casted Luc fucking Longley instead of Michael Jordan. It would unequivocally be the worst thing to happen on American soil ever, and that includes war.

If there was a blogger movie ever created, I'd NEED a young Mekhi Phiefer, Chris Paul, or not Lil Bow Wow to play me. I also imagine it'd be called: "Socially Awkward: The Story Of The Internet Blogger." Scorcese and Spielberg. Do it.