Monday, February 13, 2012

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Pennsylvania Being Overrun With Purple Squirrels




First of all, read this article, because people are absolutely baffled by this thing. Coming up with outlandish excuses like, "Oh, he just fell in some dye" and "Animals take on the color of what they eat." You've got to be shitting me with those explanations. It paints a terrifyingly ridiculous picture of squirrels falling into vats of purple food coloring and eating MAD grapes. Put your zoology degree to use bro.

Simply put, it's the Lady Gaga/Nicki Minaj effect. It was on display at the Grammy's last night and it's currently on display in suburban Pennsylvania. Squirrels trying to stand out for no fucking reason. Questions such as, "Why did Nicki Minaj dress like fat Red Riding Hood and get accompanied by a Catholic Bishop?" and "Why is there a purple squirrel on my lawn?" are essentially the same questions. It's because this squirrel is a dick. Purple squirrels don't just occur naturally, so the only logical explanation is that this thing wanted to be seen as a "genius", "creative soul", "visionary", "an advocate for GLBT rights", and "an asshole."

Just spray this thing down with a hose and stop paying attention to it. That goes for Nicki and Gaga too.

Thanks MAK.

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  1. Anonymous said... February 13, 2012 at 7:51 PM

    WOW, one of your best posts!

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