Wednesday, November 19, 2014

// //

This Guy Says He's a Platypus Now, And You Know What? I Believe Him

Egads, yo.  This is what happens when you have too much time and far too little chill.  Dude put a hamster sized toilet in his mouth and confidently walks out of the house every morning. Crumb-believable, I say!  So, how did we get here?

Just your typical, shaggy-haired white boy with a ton of inherent privilege.  Probably owns a skateboard, hates his mom because she didn't correctly microwave his Bagel Bites, and has VERY colorful language in Call of Duty online play.  You know, standard stuff.

Uh oh.  He bought his first a Slipknot CD.  After committing some random acts of petty theft, he probably put up a couple ironic "Caution" street signs on the front of his room's door and got some equidistant piercings.  Conformity is super wack.  And whoever "the man" is, fuck him.

Welp, he finally hit the"phase" where he expresses himself, doesn't shower, uses a Sharpie on his forehead and inserts a hamster toilet in his mouth.  It's truly that time to experiment and find yourself. We've all been there, though.  High school amirite?

YASSSS bitch.  Look at him coming in looking exactly like that uncle you're not supposed to be left in a room with while unattended. I mean, dude is a platypus.  It's uncanny at this point.