Monday, November 17, 2014

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WMD's Guide To Letting You Know That Yo' Ass Got Rejected

Curving is an epidemic. Now that the Ebola scare has died down and all the thinkpiece dust has settled, it’s time to tackle the most underserved problem in the social media community.

“But Dub, WTF is curving?” Glad you asked. Curving is the swag term for getting rejected or shut down. Any time you’ve been bamboozled, hoodwinked or straight up played by a member of the opposite sex, you most likely got curved. For example: ever get a text from someone that just said “K” when you said that “you guys should hang out at some point?”

The curving breakdown starts and ends with some iteration of the list below:

The main problem is that no one can accept that they’ve been curved. I once convinced myself that all cell phone towers were down in my area due to seven mph winds and that’s why a girl didn’t respond to my texts. When you start creating wildly implausible scenarios, it’s probably a strong indicator that you got GOT.

Other “You got curved” situations include:

-Repeatedly checking your phone because you thought your thigh vibrated and she texted you back. She didn’t.

-Completely and knowingly immersing yourself in the friend-zone because, gosh darn it, you’re a good enough guy and that will eventually show.

-She tweeted 230 times, but has not responded to your texts

-She crafts wildly creative/disrespectful excuses not to hang out with you, i.e.: “I’m sick, but I also have to cook lasagna. So definitely not tonight.”

Now that we are in a social media age where people don’t know how to talk to each other in person, a lot of game is kicked online. Especially Twitter. From my vast and intensive research, there is nothing worse than attempting to slide into those DMs only to realize that you got picked off by the cutoff guy.

At least that was short and sweet. Got in and got out like a revolving door. Sometimes, though, things get a bit dicier in those harsh, harsh Twitter streets.

This is like getting dunked on in the playground, except it’s on the internet and will likely be there forever. Look, I get where this dude is coming from. He saw an opportunity, albeit an unlikely one, and took a shot. Too bad that shot was thrown wild inaccurately into triple coverage, but it was a shot nonetheless.

But, yo, shooters gotta shoot. Adele got curved so bad that she dropped a diamond album, so it goes to show that even the most battered phoenix can rise from the ashes. Or something.

Keep slidin’ in those DMs!

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