VH1's Ochocinco: The Ultimate Catch

First TO and now Ochocinco...VH1 has been trying to build themselves back up since Megan Wants a Millionaire took a turn for the worst. I guess Chad's show will simply involve 85 women fighting for his love. This might actually be interesting due to the fact that Esteban is just about as insane as he is entertaining. What more can you ask for in regards to shitty reality television...I mean the dude is also currently promoting his own brand condoms where you're guaranteed to "catch everything your Johnson shoots."

Let's look at the other off-field projects #85 has been involved with. OCNN was a delight along with his run on Dancing with the Stars. I do have to say I don't think anything can beat his autobiography Ochocinco: What Football and Life Have Thrown My Way.  Here you'll be able to read Chad essentially throw a number of NFL co-workers under the bus while discussing other personal life challenges. Here are a few excerpts.

Taking on other sports: "F*** yeah, I could play easy" (on joining the NBA before diving into professional boxing). "I don't know what my contract says about boxing, but I don't care. You know why? Because I'd be worth millions in just one fight. Serious, I could make $15, $20 million easy to fight somebody like Mayweather."

Family Life: '"They know who I am." (What more could a kid want...) "I don't spend the time I should with them. I haven't grasped the concept of what being a father is."'

And after he conquers reality TV, he'll likely make his way into theatre since clearly stating that he "should be in a Broadway show. I'm that good." Also for a quick laugh make sure to check his twitter page. Keep it coming Chad, everyone except for commissioner Goodell is definitely appreciative.

Some Friendly Q&A Between British Media and Tiger

Highlights from Today's British Open news conference...

Question: "Tom Watson has said you need to clean up your act on the golf course. He's gone on record. Many of us over the years have heard you use the F word, we've seen you spit on the course, and we've seen you throw tantrums like chucking your clubs around. Are you willing to cut out all those tantrums this week and respect the home of golf?"

Woods: "I'm trying to become a better player and a better person, yes."

Tiger's response to relations with Canadian doctor and steroid supplier Anthony Galea: "I can't go into any of that because of the fact that it's an open case so far."

Tiger's response to his impending divorce: "I'm not going to go into that."

BOOM! I see you overseas media dropping bombs with no regard on the best golfer in the world....It was nice to see the aggressive British reps at St Andrews really punch in and go to work. I appreciate the fact that there wasn't a clean cut ESPN columnist leading the flow of questions for once. The only thing that would've made LeBron's "Decision" worthwhile would be for the guys at the Open to conduct the interview. They would've had him crying changing his mind to re-sign with Cleveland on the spot

The Prophecy Fulfilled

Ladies and Gentleman....Introducing the revamped Miami Heat

A while ago I had a revelation where I saw a direct correlation between LeBron James and Anakin Skywalker. Am I nuts or has King James been acting against the Jedi way? For those who don't follow Star Wars just bare with me. You may find this somewhat entertaining.

Revenge of the Sith primarily features Skywalker and his desire and need for greatness. He took every wrong turn possible to the point where his entire existence was completely altered to the powerful Darth Vader. Before learning the wonders of the Dark Side, Anakin was respected as one of the Jedi greats and viewed as the Chosen One. Because the council wouldn't grant him Jedi master, he grew mad while influenced by the Sith Lord Chancellor Palpatine (sorry to all true Star Wars fans for that garbage synopsis).

But anyway...before I had Chancellor Palpatine as Jay-Z to influence LeBron to join the New Jersey Nets. Tonight it's come to my attention that the real Sith Lord is Miami team president Pat Riley. The construction of the Death Star is now in full motion. Together James, D-Wade, Bosh and the 12 role player clones in place will battle together when the time is ripe while taking in all the endorsements. The main question is...who's ready to step up and bring balance to the force. Here's my prediction, but only time will tell.

Jesus Rex

Got the coach looking flat out ridiculous at the Mets game, the quarterback is handing out awards at the Tonys tonight, and the tight end is apparently a restaurant reviewer. I guess they're not coaching or playing football or anything.

You know what I do in my "off-season" (aka 3 weeks paid vacation)? Book a ticket to Cancun/Acapulco, find out where MTV Spring Break is going, and straight wild-out. It's not as glamorous as throwing the first pitch, presenting an award, or being an acclaimed foot critic, but it's a living.

With More Innovation Baseball Will Be Okay

So co-blogger Dub-Jeezy previously expressed his thoughts on the game of baseball. He emphasized that watching just a "few minutes can bring the purest of anger out of my soul."

So maybe he's got a point. Even umpires have discussed the Red Sox and Yankees taking their sweet time against each other while fans check their watches with hopes to make it home by 1 a.m. I wish we had a guy like this with a handful of tricks up his sleeve. If only Dice-K's Gyro Ball were actually real...

With creative side attractions everyone like Dub who can't sit straight for 3 minutes would be alright. Go to an NFL game and you're watching cheerleaders hard at work in the cold, riveting montages, gun shows - the works.

I mean I'm struggling out here myself to be honest with you. The '04 Sox were full of characters between Manny, Pedro, Damon, Millar, Nixon...But the front office did just recently sign Kendrick Perkins. So as cool as it would be for the Boston Celtics big man to hit some home runs this summer...we're just forced to take in some guy with the same name.

Just Me And Craw Getting Ready For The World Cup

It was definitely a "should we work out, should we not work out?" type of thing.

I mean the World Cup doesn't start for awhile, and who has time to work out when you blog all day. Craw had to convince me to get in the gym and ya know, things just sort of took off. Hit up the ol' gym a couple days ago and let me say, the results speak for themselves. Vanity Fair cover, model deals, and apparently, if you break your arm you don't even have to play, but still get all the recognition.

We'll see you guys on the field. I'll be in street clothes though. Craw's such a sucker.

This Will Go Down As The Move That Got Me Back Into Wrestling

Whoa. I blacked out like 7 times in a row trying to figure out what happened here. Like, I have NO idea what those other two guys are doing, but the black guy did not like it. Seriously, something must have pissed him off if he's on that, "Fuck that, I'm knockin' this dude off or I'll die trying" way of thinking.

This is what we need in the WWE. Just put a bunch of guys in the ring with nothing to lose and present the winner with a bag of money similar to those of old Looney Toons cartoons. Yeah, they'll probably be some deaths and some heavy liability issues in Year One, but people will start watching again.

Let's rearrange the adage of "you have to crack a few eggs to make an omelette" and say, "you have to let a couple of guys that probably would have killed or been killed on their own fight to the death in a steel cage for a bag of money to eventually see a profit."

5'8 Dude Slams On 6'8 Dude

Felt like I was watching a Disney-Pixar production right there. Didn't feel real. I know we've seen Spud Webb and Nate Robinson, but this guy looks like he's about 14 years old. He's rockin' some serious braces.

I mean, if that was an 8.8 foot hoop and it was 2005, it'd be on for Dub Jeezy on a 7-footer. I'd be getting served for sexual harassment after dunking on herbs out here.

Hedo Turkoglu Just Tellin It Straight

"When the circumstances turned against me, I lost my enthusiasm for this city," said Raptors small forward Hedo Turkoglu. "My lawyers have talked to the front office recently. Honestly, I do not want to go back to Toronto. My lawyers talked to Mr. [Bryan] Colangelo and I hope that they will come up with a solution soon."

Damn that's gotta sting...So the nine-year veteran Turkoglu is currently signed to a five-year contract with Toronto. Those are some harsh words coming from someone who averaged just 11 points a game (career low) with 43.8 million dollars owed to him over the next four years.

Doesn't exactly seem like the best time for an already dismal franchise. Chris Bosh just spent his last days in Canada, and Turkoglu is openly doing everything in his power to ensure his exit while the door's still open. Looks like it's back to square one for the Raptors. At least season ticket holders will still have their disturbing mascot to look forward to.

How many bitter NBA players are out there right now? With all the free agents and trade requests going on, I think it's only appropriate for the league to completely re-draft through random NBA 2K selection. Thoughts?

U.S. World Cup Roster...Set?

The United States just announced their 23-man roster for the 2010 World Cup in South Africa. Before I start ranting let's get one thing straight..I don't know anything at all about soccer, nor do I care about anything soccer related. So for any SUPERFANS out there, it may be in your best interest to continue on to the next post.

Does anyone else out there agree that the guys in the picture look like a frat house wiffle ball team? I'm well aware that everyone displayed is a superior athlete but seriously though, some of these dudes look like they're ready for a daiquiri timeout.

Before we send our men out to compete internationally at our worst sport, should we first set them up to battle a handful of WNBA All-Stars to see who comes out on top? I might have to go with Taurasi and Co. here.

They definitely should've threw in few bruisers for team pics to build their cred to say the least. I'd look at the squad a little differently if Mr. T or John Cena were present to replace tight jeans on the left.