Tuesday, July 7, 2009

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Get Your Popcorn Ready

I challenge you to play this song while reading and tell me you are not ready to kill a zombie.

I wrote a post a couple of weeks ago that more or less made the outlandish claim that we are heading into the apocalypse. You know, the whole lightning strikes being up like 4000% and kids getting eaten by mud thing. Well, if you have been living under a rock these past couple of weeks, we have lost some significant celebrities. Following the loss of Ed McMahon, Michael, and Farrah, we were just hit with the deaths of Billy Mays and Steve “Air” McNair. This can’t be a coincidence. We are most assuredly going to have to prepare ourselves to fight zombies to protect our existence….yeah..

Zombies you ask? Yes, zombies. It’s going to be fucking sweet. I am not talking about those “I Am Legend” nutjob, N.O. Xplode filled zombies, I mean those “Night of the Living Dead” slow bastards. This fight has to be even if it is going to be awesome. Just picture if zombies just popped up wherever you were and you were only equipped with a knife, a pistol (with few bullets), and…a health pack. Disregard the direct connection to Resident Evil and think of how fun this would be. Picture donkey punching a zombie in the back of the head, while someone on top of a roof plays the theme from Requiem for a Dream ….it’s on.

On a gayer note, zombies would also bring about world peace because as you saw in the wonderfully constructed film “Independence Day” (featuring Will “the Thrill” Smith), shit like that brings the world together. I don’t know about any of you, but for those who watched Power Rangers back in the day, I would have given everything in my piggy bank for an opportunity to beat the shit out of a putty (sp?). They were soulless (so you didn’t feel bad taking their lives), soft creatures built for the sole purpose of getting fucked up. I imagine zombies are similar, only more human and smellier.

“Look out, man there’s a zombie right behind you” BAAAMMM!! It gets drilled by Ray Lewis. Ray’s in the car and the zombie’s on the ground figuring out what the fuck just happened.

It’s a pipe dream, yes. A guy can dream can’t he?

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