Apparently "Certain" People Age Faster Than Other People

Can't peruse the internet anymore these days without stumbling on an article telling me that I'm going to die faster than white people.  At first I thought it was a joke, but then:

Well, damn.  Thwarted by "New Study" yet again.  Guess I have to work harder at having a more awesome day than Smeesh because I don't have as many left.  Life is straight up hitting me harder than him.  Looks like I have to perform a "newer" study to get the jump on the game.  It's like chess.  One race releases an age study, then you have to counteract that with an even newer study before anyone knows what happened.  At least that's how I think it works.  

Study time --> *consults Twitter* --> Posts results:

New study finds that female white child stars age much more rapidly than female black child stars.  Olson twins are out here looking like vacuum sealed bags while Tia and Tamera are looking like they are in the beginning stages of becoming proud, fat, black women.  See?  If you do a brief "experiment" with little to no tons of research, you can really prove any point that you want.

PS. Hey Newser, I saw the pic you guys used on your site:

Using "a black woman prays in church" even though everyone's first thought is that she's most certainly having a heart attack is a shrewd move.  A shrewd move indeed.  You out internet'd me today, but there will be other battles.