Monday, September 15, 2014

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Surge Is Back And I Think That Means We're All Gonna Die

Great and horrible news.  Great because we all get to pretend that we're 11 again, horrible because our bodies simply won't be able to handle it and we're all going to die.  A real coin-flip situation.

Pro: Relive the days where your had sleepovers with friends and someone's parents bought a 24 pack of Surge, three pepperoni pizzas and you spent all night infiltrating lesbian AOL chat rooms to unknowingly talk to other dudes.

Con: Yellow #5.  Granted, the whole "Yellow 5 kills your sperm" thing turned out not to be true, but against all odds, I still believe Surge can kill your sperm.

Pro: Actually that "con" above is a pro.

Con: Fast track to diabetes.  Since I am already resigning to the fact that I'm going to become morbidly obese at some point relatively soon, we might as well expedite the process.  If I have surgically removed feet, I don't have to walk anywhere.

Pro: This .gif that makes so little sense that it actually makes all of the sense:

Con: It honestly never tasted that good.  When you're a citrus flavored drink, you're kind of in purgatory from a taste standpoint.  You're not orange, grapefruit, or tangerine and live life with no identity.  Can't have a soda with no identity in 2014.

Your move, Pepsi Blue.

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