Tuesday, February 17, 2015

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Fully Convinced We're Going To Watch Kobe Bryant Die On The Basketball Court

So I watched "Kobe Bryant: The Interview" last night and came away with a few things.  For one, Kobe is the most self-aware asshole that I have ever seen.  Can't help but respect it.  Kobe also looked to be completely annoying on the court in a multitude of ways throughout his career.  I guess you can say that this goes hand-in-hand with the "asshole" thing, but he just kept talking to people that didn't want to talk.  Not trash-talk, per se, just bothering people.  He basically followed the arc of everyone's little brother his first six years in the league, then became everyone's horrible older brother that was verbally abusive for the next 10, and now he is the sagely grandpa giving advice to people that didn't ask for any.  It's fascinating.

The main takeaway from "The Interview", though, is the full understanding that Kobe Bryant is 100% going to die on the basketball court in the very near future.  Dude doesn't know how to say no and can't really do anything BUT play basketball.  We're like 18 months away from watching Kobe come down the court in the 2nd quarter of a November regular season game and having his arm fly off mid-jump shot.  Knowing Kobe, he'll call a time out with one arm, go in the crowd to find his other arm, reattach it, and come back on the court demanding the ball.  This will keep happening until the dude just disintegrates into a pile of dust or spontaneously combusts like a putty from the Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers. 

Regardless, it's going to be a super depressing, mildly hilarious ride to the great beyond with the Black Mamba (shout out to self-appointed nicknames, too *high fives self for creating Dub Jeezy*).

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