Thursday, May 15, 2014

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The New Unofficial Black-Ass Names List Is Here And...Well..Yeah

*The number next to the name represents how many kids have been named that this year*
And just like that, we have set ourselves back roughly 50 years.  Kyndle?! With a fucking "y", man?  This might be the worst thing ever.  You think there is a future for your daughter that doesn't involve spraying glitter lotion on her body and gyrating on a copper pole covered in hepatitis if her name is Charlemagne?  Do you, in your heart of hearts, really believe that your son Jceion will not beg you to take him to a Chief Keef concert?

God damn.  Subaru might be the most frustrating name up there.  Five people actually named their son after the car they drove to the hospital.  That kid is going to be dead or in jail before he gets to middle school.  Xzaiden sounds like a Mortal Kombat character and all but ensures that the kid will never be able to spell his name correctly.  My word, these kids are absolutely screwed.

I absolutely HOPE to read "Teenaged Girl Named Pistol Arrested on Knife-Charges" in 2028.  That will officially mean that we've made it.  And by "it", I mean we all get sucked into an abyss and black people have to start all over again.

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