Ostrich Goes HAM All Over The Streets Of China

^skip to the 13 second mark if you're not down to listen to a Chinese newscaster

I was skeptical at first, but this is exactly what you'd expect from a video describing an ostrich going on a "reckless rampage" throughout the streets of China.  This ostrich, at zero points in time, considered giving a fuck.  Saw bikes, didn't care.  Got hit by a car a couple of times, kept it moving.  While no one knows where it came from or what it's motives were, we can all learn a lot from this weird ass bird.  Resilience, perseverance, and most importantly, we've learned that cocaine is a helluva drug because if you know birds like I know birds, that ostrich was on coke.

I'm no Chinese map reader, but I'm fairly certain this ostrich traveled at least 100 miles while intermittently getting hit by automobiles: 

Manute Bol Doesn't Look Weird In A Pool At All

First off, RIP Manute.  A great man that focused all of his accumulated wealth and attention on struggling African countries to the point that it killed him.  A true hero.

With that said, get the fuck out of the pool, Manute.  You're scaring everyone and your XXXXXL limbs are going to appear in a terrifying dream of mine at some point in the future.  See that white dude in the top left corner?  He's got that "lolwut?" look going, but he's simulateneously stricken with fear and unable to get out of the water.  Completely bewildered and wondering how he ended up in a swimming pool with a 7 foot 7 African man.  You can't make things like this up unless you took a picture of a normal sized African guy and stretched him with Microsoft Paint and posted a picture on the internet because naive bloggers exist and will believe anything is true and they will definitely post it and sully the name of a someone who has died by making fun of him on said blog.

But that probably didn't happen.  The Internet is the integrity hub of Earth.

Psy Imposter Dominates The Cannes Film Festival And Walks Off With Tons Of Free Shit

Me and @psy_oppa at the @chopard party in #Cannes!! Xx twitter.com/NaomieHarris/s…
— Naomie Harris(@NaomieHarris) May 21, 2013

Ah, sometimes it's good to see racism prevail.  Nine times out of ten, racism is a terrible and disgusting act, but every now and then something amazing happens.  Sometimes you just got to pop on some $10 sunglasses, speak fake Korean and swivel your hips a few times and your entire life can change for a weekend.

Apparently the racist theory that "all Asian people look alike" can earn you overnight celebrity.  Fake Psy picked up goodie bags, had security guards following him, had bottle service given to him and danced on a fucking French TV show.  All because of RACISM!  Incredible how the world works sometimes.

I guess the black guy equivalent to this is when someone thinks that you played football or basketball either collegiately or professionally.  If I had a nickel for every time that I've heard, "You look like ::insert professional athlete::" I may have a few dollars.  Granted, I never took advantage of it quite like fake Psy did, but if there is a lesson here, it's that racism is sometimes awesome.  Probably one of the first three things that I'll teach my kid.

It Hit Me Last Night (Right Around The Time When I Drew A MS Paint Version Of Myself In The Nude) That I Could Use Another Writer

Those of you that are new(er) to WMD, you may not know that I once had co-writers   Yes, multiple.  Craw, Dick Palmer, G and Pears all have fallen by the wayside.  They had lives to lead, jobs to perform and schools to graduate from and god dammit if I wasn't a lucky SOB to have them write for the site for free.  Grateful as hell.  Now with that said, they're all dead to me from a blogger standpoint.

I've been riding dirty now for almost a year and things have been going smoothly.  Viewership has continued to grow and I've gotten into a groove as much as someone who sits in his boxers and blogs at night can get into a groove.  Hell, I've even made some real American dollars from it.  I'm still looking for Yen and Bitcoins, but I can be patient.  The thing is, I could use some help.  Some serious help.  I want to churn out posts like the realer blogs on the internet churn out posts.  As one man, I can't do that, have a girlfriend and not die from carpal tunnel at the same time.  I need others.

WMD JOB APPLICATION:

Do you think of weird shit when you see weird internet stories?

Once you get back from work, hang out, hit the gym, make dinner and do whatevs, do you still have some time leftover where you stay up and do nightowl things?

Like writing?

Be willing to work for free at the start/forever?  

Will your family disown you if they find out you write for a blog?

How do you feel about black people?  Because I'm black.

Did you laugh when you saw Miguel crush that girl's face with a leg drop?

Are you cool with dick/poop jokes?

Ever used Blogger?

Have a irrational hope that this site can one day be big?

Will you actually care about the site?

------

If you answered positively to like 65% of that, give me a buzz.  And by buzz, I mean don't ever call me, just email me at workingmansdiary@gmail.com, tweet me at @WMsDiary or hit me up if you actually know me.  Just don't fucking call or I'll break my phone in rage.

Let's make history by doing something literally millions of websites on the internet are doing, but just a little better.

This Naked Dude With A Keyboard On His Balls Just Put Craigslist On Notice

Welp, the game has changed.  Completely.  There's audacity and then there's putting synths and samplers on your bare testicles.  Next level stuff.

Do I need to post a nude pic of me with "Dub J's Blogging Laptop" sitting atop my nuts?  Fine..$150 is my offer.

There, I did it.  Threw my C&B on the internet and didn't care.  Might become a webcam girl or something at this rate.  

*Everything was drawn to scale.

For Only $1,200, You Can Look Into The Women's Bathroom At A Scotish Nightclub

Scotland just put all the creepers in the world on notice.  I'd like to make a distinction: there's funny creepy and then there's actually creepy.  The first type occurred back in college when a girl would receive a Facebook message that read "Ur hot" from the dude in the back of Econ class that they've never talked to.  Harmless, semi-funny and inconsequential.  Well staring at girls through a two-way mirror that they are unaware of while they are in the bathroom is filed under #2 - actually really fucking creepy.

I follow a strict policy of not caring what occurs in the woman's bathroom.  You guys take 2-3x longer than us and consequently look and smell 2-3x better than us.  I don't want to know how it happened or why it took you forever to come out of there, as long as you're all set and I got to drink the drink that I bought for you 30 minutes ago.

Plus it's 2013, Scotland.  What kinda weird rocks are you trying to get off by watching drunk girls in the bathroom when we are in a Golden Age of free pornography?  I know what I do in bar bathrooms and absolutely NONE of it is sexy.  I'm either #1 or #2ing, farting, dry heaving, throwing up or not washing my hands.  Not really much else to do in there.  Clean up your act and stop trying to watch girls poop, you guys.

PS. Love that the title of the article uses "1.2K" to represent $1,200.  #Journalism.

Miguel Leg Drop Vs. Drake Looking Weird Meme In A Battle For Internet Supremacy

In case you live under a rock, don't have Twitter or have better things to do with your time, Miguel scissor-kick leg-dropped a young woman last night on live television.  And kept singing.

With the confidence of an Olympic long-jumper and the execution of an R&B singer with a faux-hawk, Miguel smushed a girl's skull with no reactionary remorse because the chorus of "Adorn" can't sing itself.  If it wasn't evident before, Miguel is playing Super Mario and the rest of us are playing Checkers.

The other internet thing to happen last night can't really be described plainly.   It was phenomenon that can only be equated to when the Outbreak monkey bit that dude and then that dude started sneezing on people.  

Background: On the set of DJ Khaled's "No New Friends" someone Instagrammed a pic and Drake looks about as weird as a person can look:

Shirt and shorts from the 7th grade, Hamburglar socks, and what appears to be boots with the illest mid-stroke lean you've ever seen.  Pure disaster.  Girls legitimately stop being friends with other girls if they tag them in a picture that "makes them look fat", so imagine the backlash for a "this picture makes me look like I kinda had a stroke, but it's almost understandable based on the clothes that I'm wearing."  You have to unfriend Rick Ross and Khaled on Facebook and unConnect from those motherfuckers on LinkedIn.

As I said, the internet got really weird with this picture.  It was like a paint can shined in the sky and everyone with the MS Paint software program and an IQ above 56 started to put Drake in different situations.

Drake getting crossed by Allen Iverson - it's funny because this person erased Drake's arm and drew a new one.  True workmanship.

"ATL" got robbed of all the Oscars.  But seriously, the movie was better than expected.  Marcus from "Smart Guy" is in the back btw.

I liked this one the most.  Like I always say, never underestimate how good someone can be at Twister when they are in the middle of a stroke.

I go as the internet goes.  The weirder it gets, the weirder I get.

Kim Kardashian's Heels Are Fighting For Dear Life

This is like when George Clooney was on the boat in "A Perfect Storm" and he knew that he was going to die.  Just leaving it all on the line for the betterment of heels everywhere.  No reason for them to be in that situation, but they were and they fought until they died.

Fucking Kim, though.  What are you doing?  Your feet/cankles did not want to go through with this, but you had to make them.  Now everyone's dead.  Look what you've done!

Guys, Should I Adopt My Girlfriend's New Dog? His Name's Tito If That Helps

My girlfriend's family recently acquired a new member and after like 2 months, they are indifferent to him.  I don't get why.  He's cute, right?  He's obviously a pug and clearly has the requisite hate-my-life pug face that all of us find incredibly adorable.  Well, here's the problem.  He's old, he's blind and his eyes get green gunk balls in them.  All of that goes hand and hand really, but I think these "deficiencies" make him the perfect dog for me.  I work, I blog, but I love and I love hard.  What better dog to dote all of my love on than a tiny pug that doesn't require much attention, can't see anything and generally wants to do nothing all day?

Here's Tito in a nutshell:

                                                     

Prancin' around like a fuckin' boss for 3 1/2 minutes before getting impossibly exhausted.

Too exhausted to make it to his bed.  Just plopped on the ground doing his best burrito impression.

An hour later, he made it to bed and looks all sorts of shitfaced.

But he keeps it classy and licks his entire face before bed.

Mission accomplished.

And that's it.  That's me having "responsibility."  If I can make sure this dog has 4-5 minutes of exercise a day and can successfully guide his blind ass to bed, I'm a good owner.  Do I have to agree to this?  I think I do.

CougarLife.Com Billboard Ads Coming In Crazy Hot

The second ad is hilarious.  If I had to drive by that thing every day, I'd laugh every single time for like two months.  First ad is absolutely disgusting.  An unexpected titty can send a car veering into a palm tree very fast.  Add in a child breastfeeding and it can become vomit city even faster.  Either way, Cougarlife is on the radar.  

So here's Miss Cougarlife.com:

She scares me for a number of reasons.

1)  She can be anywhere between 29 and 52 years old.

2)  That body will rip a 401K right out of your wallet.

3)  She participated and won "Miss Cougarlife.com"

All significant red flags that would make me concerned if this was the absolute pinnacle of the site.  I'm obviously going to investigate further with significant research and experimental cases, but from the outside, this is a very worrisome site.