Tuesday, January 14, 2014

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This Paragraph On "The Predictive Power Of Likes" Is The Greatest Thing Ever

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I liked the Wizard of Oz when I was a kid.  Does that mean that I was kinda homosexual when I was little?

Let's break down each classification, shall we?

High Intelligence:

Thunderstorms -  I hate them.  So scary and loud.

The Colbert Report - Does it count if I occasionally watch clips of it if (and only if) at least 10 people post the link on my Facebook/Twitter newsfeed?

Science - 

Curly Fries - Yes, yes, a million times, yes.

CONCLUSION - I'm half highly intelligent.

Low Intelligence: 

Sephora - That place is scarier than thunderstorms.

I love being a Mom - This doesn't even make sense.  If you're a mom, I'd hope you love being a mother.  Sucks for women.

Harley Davidson - Motorcycles are stupid.  Valid.

Lady Antebellum - They had that one jam, but you are a certifiable fool if you legally downloaded and purchased any of their music.

CONCLUSION: Phew, not dumb.

Homosexual:

No H8 Campaign - Not positive what this is, but I can get behind that message.

Mac Cosmetics - Again not positive.  I hate the idea of make-up, though.

Wicked The Musical - Never saw it, but you know my (apparently gay) thoughts about The Wizard of Oz.

CONCLUSION: Not homosexual.

Heterosexual: 

Wu Tang Clan - C.R.E.A.M is legendary, but I was never a huge fan.  Don't get me wrong, I liked what I heard, but never wanted to hear that much.

Shaq - Mixed reviews on Shaq.  Can't understand a fucking thing he says, but he was a dominant force in my favorite sport.  

Being Confused After Waking Up From Naps - Ding ding ding!  If this means that I like the opposite sex then ladies watch out.  You'll never find a more disoriented/disgruntled living being post-nap than this guy.




CONCLUSION: Very heterosexual.


FINAL VERDICT: This thing nailed it.  I show signs of high intelligence, but I'm not that smart.  Fortunately, I'm also not dumb.  I like girls, but can get down with what homosexuals are interested in from a theater standpoint.  The make or break was the Nap Confusion predictor.  

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