Thursday, January 16, 2014

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Unfortunately, Emoji Death Threats Are Still Illegal. Alas, Here Are My Top 5 Emojis

Not going to delve into politics, though.  I'm far too dumb/don't care enough to discuss that.  What I can dive into are my Top 5 favorite emojis complete with their appropriate names.  (Full disclosure, I only use one emoji and it's ranked #1)

5) "Cool Story"
Easily the most disrespectful emoji in the game right now.  If someone sends you a funny story or a story that they think is funny and you hit them with this, your friendship might be over.  You have their mind doing somersaults.  They don't know if they were funny, if you were being a dick, or both.  Dangerous, but amazing at the same time.

4) "Brews4Bros"

Those yellow polygons mean that shit's about to go down.  In actuality, I've never seen beer glasses that look like this, with the beer pouring down the side, but somehow not getting all over your hands.  This emoji means you're going to go out, have like 3 beers, say you're getting tired, grab a burger and go home before midnight.

3) "I just saw some shit"

This could apply to the following: someone said something outrageous, boobs, witness to a death.  Whenever you send these out, the other person has your undivided attention because something serious went down.  Can't send this out for your typical zany comment.  Shit has to be racist.  And the boobs can't just be any boobs.  Sofia Vergara.  Lastly, only confirmed homicides - not taking any natural causes bullshit.

2) "The Creeper" also "Mexican"

This can be used in a multitude of ways.  I can imagine using it here and there just to keep people honest and on their toes.  Like, "Hey, why did Dub just send me this emoji? He must be up to something."  It can also be used when you discussing creepy stuff.  If the other person is your friend, they'll know exactly what's up.  Also, this can be used to straight up describe a Mexican man.

NOTE: There are no "Black People" emojis so we have been relegated to this: 
I'll bet a thousand dollars that this dude has never been confused for a "Tyrell", Apple.  

1) "Smiling Poop" 

Without further ado, I present the only emoji I ever use.  The poo emoji has taken the world by storm.  The regular smiley has been locked in a basement and forced to cook meth like Jesse Pinkman.  It's arguable that the poo emoji means you're the happiest you can possibly be.  I mean, the thing is literally a piece of shit, but he's not letting that slow his game.  Stinky exuberance trumps everything.

4 Reactions to this post

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  1. Richard said... August 3, 2014 at 2:56 AM

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  2. Anonymous said... October 31, 2018 at 5:39 AM

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  3. Coope said... July 7, 2021 at 4:17 AM

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  4. Shirley M said... June 20, 2024 at 5:32 PM

    Helloo nice post

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