Monday, December 21, 2009

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Boston In The Winter Sucks--It Grinds My Gears

-Doesn't look like this at all..

Maybe it's where I currently live, but I feel like Christmas is being half-assed. I see some piss poor Christmas tree lighting down the street and maybe 2-4 street lights in the whole area. How am I supposed to get enthused? This is currently my 5th year in Boston and each year presents the same problem...winter. Granted, I am from the Northeast and snow has been commonplace my entire life, but these are my formative years. Can I at least go to the bar without walking in with my nose running?

I live atop a can imagine the problem that presents. While I am a tremendous athlete with near superhuman balance, you can't expect me not to have a few "close-calls" out there. Close calls meaning that slip where your foot kicks up a little higher than expected off the ground and you mutter a soft, yet terrified "whoaa nelly" (everyone does it), recover yourself, and look around to see if anyone saw. Of course someone sees, you then play it off, try to walk, faster and do it again. I hit the vicious circle on my god damn walk to work. And now, to get my Jerry Seinfeld on...

What's the deal with snowflakes? I've never seen one that looked cool. They are, in fact jagged. It's not fun and games when snow falls and one of those sharp bastards kamikazes into your retina. Now you're having close calls, blinded in one eye. Not a good look.

It's cold as balls out all the time. Like no breaks. If part of your arm is exposed under your coat, you are weighing the pros and cons of death. That's not a way to live. This leads me to my next point. Girls. The female "uniform" emerges. As my friend, and fellow blogger Andy stated, "every girl looks the same in a North Face." It's depressing, but true because 97% of girls connect mentally and say, "let's all wear our North Face fleece, black tights, and brown Uggs and act like we're warm and still hot." Doesn't work. If we have to have snot come out of our nose, you guys lose your individuality. Tough shit.

There is plenty more to gripe about, but I am attempting to pound out season 4 of Dexter, eat a sandwich and post at the same time. Something's gotta give.

Good night.

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