Tuesday, December 18, 2012

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I Invented Swag. For Real. I Actually Did

I went home this past weekend to spend time with family and needless to say, my mother lost her mind. There was a whisper of pictures by someone and that flipped a switch in my mom's head. She basically scoured the house top to bottom for like 3 hours and came out with some absurd pictures. Because this blog is super transparent and I'm begging for some "Awww"s in the comments, let's take a look at two of the most ridiculous pics:

Picture #1:

-Whatchu know about a shirt that makes you kinda nauseous and has you thinking you're wearing 3D glasses, but you aren't? I mean come on now. It wasn't even fair to the other kids at the playground when I was out there obstructing people's vision. And those shorts? Can you say American? The game was already a blowout before we got to my long yellow socks.

Picture #2:

-All purple everything (except, strangely, the shoes) - looking like a confused container of grape Juicy Juice. Once you get past how much I channeled the artist formerly known as Prince, please focus your attention on that neon green fanny pack. What does a 4 year old need a fanny pack for you ask? If you have to ask, you weren't as cool as me and you obviously didn't have like 17 Teddy Grahams on your person at all times. Pink sunglasses in case the sun got in my eyes, homie.

PS. I'm just going to assume my mother was on a TON of LSD and Angel Dust during the early 90s and give her a mulligan.