Thursday, December 13, 2012

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This Family Of Ducks Playing Real-Life Frogger On A Highway Has Me So Startled


Aside from the obvious fact that this duck is the most unfit mother in the animal kingdom, this was the most harrowing event that I have ever witnessed since the end of Bad Boys 2.

I want to know the informed decision that this duck made before trying to splatter herself and her kids on the pavement. Like, did it see the large, fast-moving, death machines barreling forward every second? And if so, was this duck just cocky as (wait for the rhyme scheme) fuck and had this all planned out the entire time. If it's the latter, consider my face covered with egg.

Can we talk about birds for a second? I've been having a HUGE issue with them as of late since I moved into my new apartment in September. Namely geese and the occasional psychopath turkey terrorize the park near my house. Basically the avian Bloods and one psychopathic Crip. You can't make eye contact, walk within 20 feet of them and you damn sure better not freak one of them out or it's over. And by "over" I mean you're in a fight to the fucking death with a goose. I don't want to be put into a situation where I have to snap a goose's neck. I don't. All bets are off if a turkey is involved. Vegas will probably have that fight as a "Pick 'em."

PS. Is it bad that, as a human, I demand a certain level of respect from any and all birds? I think that's reasonable. Like some birds get it. Those little sparrow things get the FUCK out of the way if you're within earshot. They get it.

"Shit my pants moment"

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