Thursday, September 5, 2013

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I Didn't Know How To Get Into A Pool Until Jay Z And Beyonce Showed Me

True Life: I Don't Know How To Get Into A Pool 

Seriously.  I don't.  White people Some people toss up the rock and roll sign and double backflip into the deep end of the pool.  I dip my toes in, say "fuck that", catch up with some Words With Friends games in the pool chair, and then get peer pressured into the water after about 20 minutes.  Getting into water is probably the most difficult thing I've encountered in my life.  This isn't even about swimming either. I'm talking literally entering into a pool/lake/sea/ocean. 

The tried and awful method that I use is the "grab some water out of the pool and rub it on my body" play.  I know that doesn't work, but frankly it's all I know.  I'm too much of a bitch to just jump in and not serial-killer enough to walk the stairs in.  I'm in pool-entry purgatory.

Thank god for Hov and Queen Bey.  I think I finally figured it out now.  I can go with the "slip off the side" method that Beyonce is using or keep it casual with the "oh no, I'm falling off a cliff" move that Jay is pulling off.  I have options now.  

PS. Someone get Blue some Beyonce genes, STAT: