Tuesday, February 4, 2014

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Wishing That Pokemon Were Real Is Cute Until You Actually Think About Pokemon Being Real

Cute letter, kid.  Despite you butchering that "a" so early on and inexplicably sending Santa a letter in February, this thing pulled at my heart strings.  I was once like you Kinnell (arguably the whitest name I've ever heard) and thought about Pokemon being real, but then I realized I'm not a big fan of apocalypses. 

A coalition of these adorable bros:

Would take over the world in like 45 minutes.  You're going to get a call that your buddy's grandma got electrocuted by a fucking medium-sized yellow rat and she died.  Squirtle will stomp his way to the White House and waterboard the entire Obama administration.  Shit will be absolutely tragic.  All because of you, Kinnell.

PS. All fun and games until someone has sex with Jynx (the Pokemon built through racism that we just accepted) and justifies it by saying "I thought she was just an overweight black woman that lost her nose in an accident."

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