The "Bathroom Bandit" Is Stealing Automatic Flusher Valves And Terrorizing Fast-Food Toilets Across Milwaukee

^Because anytime you can find an applicable picture of a toilet paper roll that probably committed a crime, you have to post it.

Stealing automatic toilet flushers from fast-food establishments is 100% the most diabolical thing someone can do. Stepping foot into an already dumped in bathroom stall can easily ruin a day. Your mind's telling you no, but your body (your BA-DEE'S) is telling you yes. So you wave your hand in front of the automatic flush display, walk in and out a few times and do all the necessary things you have to do to engage the motion display. But nope, the fucking toilet bandit just happened to stop in your Wendy's and become a contributing factor in why you chose to shit your pants.

I've had enough Baconators, Big Macs, Dub Cheesys, and Whoppers to know the immediate damage they do to your insides. The bodily command system gets immediately put on alert. Internal sirens are sounding, the bubble guts establish themselves and the last thing you want to do is think to yourself, "Oh fuck, I live in Milwaukee, just finished eating at McDonalds and truly fear that the Bathroom Bandit tampered with my toilet." That's not a life I want to live, nor do I wish it on anyone else.

Death Penalty.