Thursday, February 7, 2013

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Um, Bro, Your Head

All fun and games until around Pic 4. That's exactly when he realized he was in a good deal of trouble. A truly raw moment when a dude realizes his head is 5x it's normal size and that the hair dye didn't work.

Ain't nothing worse than being temporarily deformed. I've been there during a time I like to refer to as "The Sty of '99." If you're unfamiliar, a sty is basically a pus-filled sac in your eyelid that makes you look like you got punched in the face. Very embarrassing and highly treatable. So treatable that Mom didn't even attempt to keep me home from school. She just proceeded through the morning routine like Sloth from The Goonies wasn't chompin' on Lucky Charms in the kitchen; tossed me to the wolves on the bus, and proceeded on with her day.

And like clockwork, "Oh shit, Dub got his ass-whooped!" happened all day. Because everyone was an idiot in 7th grade, no one knew what a sty was and everyone assumed I was either abused at home or got beat up by a girl. There wasn't a middle ground. So from literally 7:30am-2:30pm I had to fend for my social life, defend my family's honor, explain what a sty was to at least 200 people, try to see the chalk board with one eye, and still maintain my status as the class clown. All very overwhelming. So I feel for you, man. We may not live on the same street, per se, but we are from the same town.

PS. If this kid wasn't called "Big-Faced Hunneds" throughout the duration of this, everyone failed.

PPS. The reason I got the sty was because I kept doing that thing when you flip your eyelid inside out to show the gross underskin. In order to remain the class clown, you have to do some things that were dangerous and outside of the box. No regrets.

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