Tuesday, February 26, 2013

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They're Building The Titanic All Over Again Because ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Because anytime you can make me relive this awful, awful moment:

Guess it's officially time to pull that Band-Aid off, buy some stronger adhesive and get back out there, gang.  And by get back out there, I mean "Ireland, stay the fuck away from this ship."  Your country has lost the privilege to build ships.  

So obviously we called in the big time reinforcements for a job this big.

Reinforcement 1:  Clive Palmer, the rich-ass Australian mining tycoon who's funding the whole operation

I don't think Clive could be more tycoon-looking if he tried.  White? Check.  Obese? Check.  General lack of concern for what's going on around him?  Double-check.  Dude's absolutely perfect for the role of "guy who funds the 2nd biggest ship-related disaster ever."

Reinforcement 2: China

This picture right here is exactly why this ship would get made in like 20 minutes.  It may not be pretty or ethical, but China gets shit done.  Put millions of hands, feet, and toddlers to work and you're going to get iPads.  Lots of them.  If rich ass Clive can somehow broker a deal and shift the production focus from Legos and every toy ever to ship materials, we may be on to something.

Not the slightest bit mad that the United States wasn't given a call.  It's a delicate ecosystem that we deal with.  Australian tycoons have the money, China has the manpower and the United States has the dumb idiots that forgot "Titanic" was about a ship hitting a glacier.  

Don't worry, everyone will have a blast for the first 90 minutes until it becomes a real drag with Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Jennifer Lawrence dying in the ocean and shit. 

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