Wednesday, September 2, 2009

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Deciding A Hobby

No internet or cable in my house. What's a lad to do? I can only play so many video games and watch so many of episodes of Planet Earth before I lose my mind and undoubtedly fall asleep. Something needs to happen. Since my new job does not start until September 14th, I have a whole lot of dead time to kill. This time gets exponentially longer and more excruciating when you can't watch Youtube videos of a cat tackling another cat or watch terrible reality television. I need to get some sort of hobby before September 8th when those bastards at Comcast decide to put in my god damn cable.

My stop gap solution has been a J.P. Licks at the end of my street. It's been awesome enough that I do not have to be a patron to use their wireless and they play nothing but hits. I've been here for about 2 hours and they must have a DJ in the back trying to impress me or something because there have been about 34 straight bangers. They will soon recognize me as a non-patron so I only have a few days I can do this. As soon as I get the inevitable boot from my comfy chair in the back right corner (find me, I'm the stud), I will embark on the hobby of stealing wireless from every location in the Brigham circle area without purchasing a single item off the menu. Sure, call me a scumbag, but I am not trying to get a mocha toca lattechino with sprinkles. That ain't me and my street cred is way too valuable at this point. I am also marginally sure that this counts as a hobby.

My friend tossed around the hilarious idea of running. My response was "you mean, like, running around?" The concept was legitimately foreign to me. I maintain my awesome figure through a doctor approved meal plan of pizza, burgers, gatorades, and pepper potato chips. Where has running gotten anyone? When I figured out what lunatic friend meant by this "running" thing, I laughed. A good ol' fashioned, whole-hearted laugh. Mofo was out of his mind.

Another idea that I have toyed with for years has been cooking. Since I have moved away from the ever so loyal and inexpensive McDonalds, it has felt like leaving that special girl without getting a chance to give a proper goodbye. No kiss, no hug, just a head nod. There was a recognition that we'd see each other again, but it wasn't right and still leaves me feeling a bit weird. Now I have to shop at a supermarket. Supermarkets have always been tough for me because I only really want fruit snacks and cookies. You won't see me there reasoning with myself about what head of lettuce I should buy. Needless to say, cooking might not be an option either, unless I find a way to make a Scooby Doo Fruit Snack casserole (ew).

Welp. Looks like i'm F'd, I will probably lose all ties with society and this blog will take a terrible turn for the worst until September 8th. Hopefully you guys stick with me through this awful experience as I professionally blog from an ice cream store for the next few days...

P.S. God damn J.P. Licks, how do you go from "Santeria" to "Regulators", I need to hire this guy for my birthday party.

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