Tuesday, September 22, 2009

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Jeezy and The Gym (A History)

You know me. I got my shit in line. Though I am saying this while drinking Nesquik from a solo cup, I feel that I have a decent grasp on the world around me. I am pretty confident in most of the situations life throws at me. The gym though, is another story.

In high school I maintained my physique with a steady diet of running around and eating terrible food. I shied away from all weight related activities. During football practice I would just lie about how much I lifted and only actually lifted when we did max-outs (1000 pound club, YES!--said in the tone of Joe Swanson). It was a peaceful existence that required little to no exertion. Then mothaf'in college rolled around. Don't listen to what your parents say, college is a god damn beauty pageant and the epitome of the Darwinian concept of survival of the fittest...literally. Our athletic area, known to the students, as the plex (YEA!(Joe Swanson) ) was the "it" place to be between or after classes. In order to be one with the Boston College brethren (and get tons of girls) I had to put my history of never touching weights aside and get my swole on.

Shit got wild. The summer between junior and senior year I ballooned to 185lbs (I usually coast at a smooth 170) and was a monster. It was kind of messed up. I had Muscle Milk, creatine, multi-vitamins, grilled chicken (INSIDE JOKE ALERT!: "I'll tell you what I like to eat, but I could instead tell you what I do eat" lolz), basically the works. It was a problem. I toned things down and used my man status to survive senior year on reputation alone..except the period before spring break where I crushed some serious weights.

Now I am enrolled in the most well known gym in Boston and I feel like I am back at the drawing board. I am realizing that there is a real correlation between how hard I work out and how many women are in the gym. I can't sit in a sauna for more than 55 seconds. I am bothered by the wide open shower area. It is glaring lacrosse jersey that ends at the belly button is not and never will be the play. I stammer my words and run away when someone asks if they can work in between sets (what the fuck does that mean??).

The NO X(s)plode rush can only take you so far. This gym is probably the first place since graduating college that has really made me tell myself that I have to grow up.

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