Friday, September 4, 2009

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So I'm Sitting Next To A Crazy Person

As you all know by now, my new stomping ground has been a JP Licks at the end of the road next to mine. It's safe to say that I run this town on day 3 of officially living here, but this one fucking lunatic next to me seriously cramping my style.

In a four seat row in the back corner of the store, I usually take the one at the end next to the outlet (leaving three seats open to my right). This crazy bastard decides to sit right next to me. Now, while me an this gentleman are not patrons here, JP Licks sees me and this presumed bum as equals. Just two low-lifes that are trying to steal internet and comfortable chair space. Since he's sitting directly next to me (touching my right knee in the process) the best option was to switch to defense mode and I waited to see what was on that batshit crazy mind of his. I gave it five minutes and discovered that all he wants to do is genuinely talk to himself. He's not here to terrorize anyone with his crazy person antics, but he just wants to have a good ol' intellectual conversation with himself. He's even being considerate enough to talk at a low volume. He's speaking indecipherable words, but low vols nonetheless. I feel like I was on Candid Camera for a "Wishbone" episode or something. I haven't learned a legitimate "lesson" since like '95, but today through real life experience, I truly discovered that you cannot judge a book by it's cover.

If it looks crazy, smells crazy, and acts's, fuck it, it's probably crazy. I'm getting the hell out of here.

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  1. Anonymous said... September 5, 2009 at 10:20 AM

    there is a skitzo (frenic) lady, VERY PRETTY, that comes to Panera's all the time - which is where I get my daily coffee, and it is SO funny the way guys are always "checking her out" and then noticing that she is in conversation with someone- but oops- no ear bud telephone -so she is in conversation with herself --or rather her- SELVES!! Crazy isn't always tragic-- sometimes comical....

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