Friday, June 8, 2012

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If You Had 2 Minutes, What Would You Say To Your Younger Self?

One of my buddies did the standard "look at me when I was little so I can get 'likes' and 'comments'" thing on Facebook recently. I can't knock it at all because I did the same exact thing on at least 2 occasions. Easy money, "Aww"s and "You were soooooo cute"s that are just too good to pass up. Anyway, it got me thinking if I saw my younger self and had two minutes to tell him anything, what would I tell him?

Keep in mind, young me was only concerned with Power Rangers, Ninja Turtles, Nintendo, pizza, not sports, and digging in the dirt for bugs.

Here's my list:

1) You won't know what this means at all, but try your hardest to invent the internet/smart phones/Google/Facebook/Napster/Reality Television.

2) Focus all your attention on football. I know you're terrified of the entire "hitting" and "getting dirty" aspect of it now, but you'll love it later and become really fast. Trust me, basketball ain't gonna work out.

3) And by football I mean, kick field goals and punt all day. Literally never throw, catch, or attempt anything that doesn't involve kicking the ball.

4) Baseball sucks and I know you hate it, but have Dad teach you how to throw a knuckleball. And keep throwing it when you're not kicking field goals. I'm trying to be rich you little bastard.

5) Stop digging dirt, bro. Get out there and be social.

6) Stop asking Mom for a brother. Years later that entire request process is disgusting and you'll regret ever doing it.

7) Don't try to catch all 150 Pokemon. Not worth it.

8) Ride a roller-coaster, get tossed in a pool, and somehow manage not to cry for 3 days straight.

9) Learn how to tie your shoes the other way. Not just bunny ears.

10) Don't threaten Mom and Dad by saying you're going to "kill yourself" and walk behind the TV thinking the wires are going to electrocute you.

11) Why were you afraid to eat subs?

12) It's going to be socially unacceptable to like "I Want It That Way", but don't let that stop you.

13) Major in finance in college

14) Start talking to girls now to prevent being a spaz in the future.

15) Stop crying about every possible thing that goes slightly wrong.

16) Just kidding, catch all 150 Pokemon. It will be a top 10 life achievement for you.

17) Mom and Dad speak the truth all the time, but vegetables are still disgusting and you don't have to eat them because you have an awesome metabolism.

18) Watch porn more discreetly when you find out what porn is.

19) Truly take pride in your Halloween costumes. Future Dub did a terrible job.

20) Do what makes you happy (don't dig dirt), don't let anyone sway your opinion unless it's someone you care about and trust. And don't worry about the gap in your teeth, it'll align itself nicely, but you WILL develop gum disease so start flossing when you can.

Take care of yourself you handsome little shit.

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  1. the Bunmaka said... June 8, 2012 at 5:53 PM

    I understand what you're going for here. However, I see a lot of advice geared toward specializing in a bunch of things, which will inevitably become generalizing in a bunch of things. How is little winston going to invent the iphone while becoming the best kicker/punter in the land, perfecting the knuckleball, and catching all 150 pokemon? You've confused your younger self and you will wind up mediocre at everything.

  2. Anonymous said... June 11, 2012 at 6:04 PM

    or amazing at everything. you just gotta have your game-face on.

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