Friday, June 29, 2012

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Japanese Zoo Loses 30 Squirrels, Recapture 38 Just To Be Safe

This is the biggest squirrel injustice in the history of squirrel injustices. I want to say this is racist, but I have zero basis on how I can possibly make this about race. Imagine being a squirrel, just chillin' in a grass patch, digging up a nut you buried back in November, when all of a sudden you get wrangled by a confused Japanese zookeeper. Wrongly imprisoned and zero way to state your claim. Despite the hilarity that would ensue, there aren't any squirrel lawyers.

So what's the excuse? "They all look the same?"--it's 2012, that shit won't fly. I couldn't tell that they switched main actors in the new Spider-Man movie, but I can't say that outloud or I'll be called a bigot. Same goes for Japanese people and squirrels.

If you furry bastards somehow learn English and I come up with a law degree, I will defend the shit out of you.

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  1. Anonymous said... July 2, 2012 at 10:46 PM

    I want to know why the hell you'd go to a zoo to see a squirrel in the first place, when you can just go out your door.......

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