Thursday, June 7, 2012

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People Are Spontaneously Bursting Into Flames When They Spray On Sunscreen

Man, it sucks to be a white person these days. High income taxation, Tiger Woods won a golf tournament, and ya'll are exploding while chillin' on the porch.

I remember one time back in the day during a track meet, my coach said, "Dub, you should put this sunscreen on, the UV index is crazy today." What transpired was the most confused, awkward, unabashed interaction two men could have exchanged. Both recognizing that I am black, him recognizing that I've never considered wearing sunscreen because of said melanin, me recognizing that I have a 87% certainty of what "UV" stands for, and him shakily holding a bottle of "Banana Boat" for me to take. Real riveting shit. I took a dab, put it on my neck (because the sun was NOT fucking around that day) and thought nothing of it. The more you know.

The sun creates a tricky dichotomy between black and white people. Black people get darker (re: "blue black) and have a -8% chance of getting skin cancer and white people peel, flake, turn lobster red, kinda die, and have a real risk of getting sick.

Add "exploding into a fiery blaze" to that list and things just keep getting bleaker.

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